Saturday, September 19, 2009

It's the Little Things...

Last night, I was tired and discouraged at the fact that I still don't know what's going on. I went to bed early with my Bible and read that God has heard my request. That's good enough for me, right now anyway. I fall asleep with one final prayer. I accept His will, but I also pray for resolution, for knowing, one way or the other. I've got MRIs Thursday, and another appointment at the Cancer Center on Friday. I just want to know. I fell asleep (with the help of an ativan) and I slept the clock around. My shoulder woke me up a couple of times but I was so tired I fell back to sleep quickly. It's been an exhausting week and I guess that I was tireder than I thought.

This morning is surprisingly cool and we have a wood fire going for the second time of the season. When your bones ache, the heat is a comfort. We get up early because today we are going to the Farmer's Market.

Today at the Farmer's Market, we ran into lots of folks we knew and enjoyed visiting in the cold morning air. I met another breast cancer survivor. I've talked to her on the phone but never met her. She is a rugged and strong lady who operates heavy equipment for a living. Oh, she's a hoot. She waved her hand at me. An earlier injury cost her three fingers. She airily said, 'If I can live with half a hand, well, half a boob? That ain't nuthing.' I about fell over laughing. I do so love characters, people that are strong and true and themselves. Every few steps, it seemed like we were running into somebody else to talk to, and I enjoyed that feeling of belonging, and connectedness.

Today at Farmer's Market, I bought myself a bag of Fair Exchange coffee beans. What a treat! I bought my last bag of coffee beans from the store. Even though it was a brand I'd used before, there was no rich aroma when I ground the beans and the stuff brewed up pale and puny. Ack. When I opened my new bag of beans, they fell into my hand rich and shiny, and when I ground them, I got a little caffeine buzz just from the smell. The coffee brewed up black and strong. I sip on my mug slowly, and with each sip, my mind sighs "mmmmmmmmmm..."

Today at Farmer's market, we got strawberry/rhubarb jam along with a loaf of homemade bread for breakfast tomorrow. I got some Hungarian peppers for stuffing. We bought some home cured bacon. I found the biggest tomato I've seen in forever. Just huge. We had BLTs for lunch today. Well. Sort of. Tim had bacon and lettuce. He hates tomatoes. I had tomato and lettuce (no bacon) with lots of fresh ground black pepper. We used a wonderful 12 grain bread. It was a quiet and companionable meal, the two of us sitting at the table savoring those delicious sandwiches.

Today, I got a package from Susan. A while back, I wrote 'I am regaining my equilibrium. I can see a little more clearly. And once again, I'm finding I do have faith in 'us'. God, friends, family, the doctors, myself, even the occasional Snickers bar.' I received a package in the mail today. Susan sent me an entire case of Snickers. An entire case! Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard, even through my tears. Susan's husband is laid off, and she's cut back to four days a week at her job. The last thing she should have thought about is sending me a case of Snickers. "I oughta kick her butt," I said to Tim. And Tim said, "You might want to tell the woman that you put 1200 miles on the car this week. If you ever decide to drive in a straight line, you could easily end up in Arizona. Remind her that you have her address." Okay. Susan? You're warned. And thank you.

This has been a crazy time, really, but the little things do make a huge difference. Devotions. Friends. A warm house. Goooooooood coffee. A simple, delicious meal savored at a quiet table with your fine husband. A good chunk of sleep. Oh. And never underestimate the power of chocolate during trying times.

9 comments:

Kayleigh said...

I've been keeping up with your situation and am SOOO relieved your breast is cancer-free...and it sounds like, if I understand correctly, that they don't think your shoulder is bone mets either, yes?

While it still must be VERY frustrating not to know for sure what is going on,these sound like great pieces of news -- just hang in there and keep on it, you'll solve the puzzle in due time, no doubt.

And this was a lovely post to read, felt like I was at the farmer's market with you :)

A Novel Woman said...

Ah, what a nice post! Aren't Farmer's Markets good for the soul? And Snickers (coupled with olives) got me through my first pregnancy. Go Snickers!

Bush Babe said...

God love Susan... a snickers a day keeps the blues at bay!! I, myself have BLTs with the T's cooked. Raw tomato is revolting... BL's I can understand but I have never heard of LT's (heh!). The B is the best bit!!!

You just need pics of your farmers markets now... (but you KNEW I'd say that!!)
:-)
BB

Mikey said...

Yeah, no bacon? That's not right...*scratching head* can't imagine a BLT with no B.
And that Susan, you can always count on her to be a good friend. An exceptional woman, albeit a lil crazy :) *waves *hi Susan**
I'm wishing we had a good Farmers Market. What I wouldn't give to find one around here.. I was picturing it as I read your words. Sigh... if you don't come visit us soon, we'll just have to come visit YOU. Be warned yourself, lady :)

Debby said...

Mikey and BB - the two of you have never had a vegetable sandwich? You take a good hearty bread, stack it with vegetables, a slice of good cheese and a spritz of balsamic vinegrette. Good. Like a salad in bread in bread. I love vegetables, and meat is optional. Cooked tomatoes on a BLT?!!! Well, to each his own, I suppose. You also eat vegemite.

Yes, Kaleigh, these are good pieces of news. This week I was scheduled for a mastectomy, and now they cannot find cancer in the breast. I'm a little flummoxed by all of it. They're trying to rule out, at this point, that a different cancer altogether is not set up shop in my shoulder. It seems as if this thing will simply never end, but you are right, there is lots of good news to be found in the events of last week. I'm just not a patient, wait and see sort of person.

NW - not together??!!! Oh, please tell me not together....

Kelly said...

On that BLT you can leave the L off mine making it a BT. Actually, go ahead and add some avocado to mine. Would that be a BAT?

I'll be thinking about you Thursday and Friday. Always praying.

Pam said...

Loved the post!! A good BLT is just about my favorite sandwich of all time. That or a grilled cheese.

I'll hold you close in my thoughts this week! Like Kelly, always praying.

PaintedPromise said...

gee thanks Mikey... like you aren't a lil crazy yourself???? *waves *hi Mikey**

Debby i have to say i am weary of sending you virtual hugs. i really really really want to do a real one... but unless Mikey bring me in her suitcase, i can't afford to get to PA right now... so when that Snickers comment in your blog caused a "feeling" in me, well, i believe God puts those feelings there so i followed it. hoping that with every yummy bite you feel the hug...

and tell Tim thanks for the warning ;) lol - i think, if you do that, you MUST bring him along...

PaintedPromise said...

and as for you, A Novel Woman, i have to say it again - Snickers AND OLIVES????????? BLECH!!!!!