Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A Testimony to my Unstressed State

I met Mary in the Walmart parking lot. I was headed to my car, she was headed in. She's frustrated. She was trying to get ready to head to Washington DC with friends. She lost her prosthetic boobs. "I've looked everywhere," she grumbled. I burst out laughing and rewrote a phrase: "She'd lose her boobs if they weren't attached..."

In the never ending quest to find the humor in this situation, I've named 'my girls'. They are 'Flopsy' and 'Not-sy'.

I took a test for a new job yesterday. I usually am a knockout in standardized testing. Yeah, this time, I don't think so. Really. This test was two hours long. Lots of calculating. They told us repeatedly that they did not expect us to finish the sections in the alloted time. Good. I didn't. Meanwhile, this little brainiac sitting next to me did. I'd be scribbling away, and I'd hear the 'click' of her pencil being set on the table, and look over to see her leaning back, hands folded. It was a testimony to my own state of unstress that I did not reach across the table and smack her one. I did not know the test was going to be so long. I usually don't eat breakfast, having a fruit bar in midmorning. I was getting hungry. At the end of one section of testing, I commented that I should have eaten breakfast. One witchy little thing said, "Sure. That's a good excuse for not doing well. You didn't eat breakfast." Number one, was it that obvious that I was not doing well? Number two, it wasn't an excuse. (I'd have offered up 'chemo brain' if I needed an excuse...and I don't think I was doing that badly, truth be told. I was just not as quick as young brainiac sitting right next to me.) In another testimony to my state of unstress, I did not snap at witch-y woman, and was able to see that she probably was having trouble with the test. She stressed, unlike some (me). Sad thing is 50 people were there for that testing. They had two more tests to run, and expected that many at all of them. Doing some quick calculations, I came up with this: Debby + this job = snowball's chance in hell.

My coffee is gone. I've got no excuse to not get my fanny out of this chair and begin to get ready for work. Darn it.


WhiteStone said...

Someone needs to write a chemo humor book...Wait! It's probably already been done. But I bet if so, they don't have your line..."She'd lose her boobs if they weren't attached!" ROFLOL.

Lesley said...

Well Debby... I like you have nicknamed mine too.... I refer to my self as the "Uni-boober" (instead of the unibomber LOL) or it's just my Uni-boob! hahaha My kids about died of embarrassment when I called myself the Uni-boober the one day... was rather priceless. LOL

Mary said...

I still haven't found them...Do you think they may have run off?