Sunday, August 30, 2009

Fickle

Lying in bed tonight, unable to sleep, I thought about Monday and the PET scan. After getting through August one day at a time, after a month of trying to keep myself calm, after these weeks of choking down my concerns day after day after day, finally, at long last, August is nearly done. The only thing standing between me and Monday is Sunday. As I tried to get my aching back and shoulder comfortable, it suddenly occurred to me that I might not be ready to hear what they have to say. That was a new thought. After an entire month of waiting, now the day is nearly here, and I'm dreading it. I gave up and took a sleeping pill.

We human beings are complicated beings.

20 comments:

JJ said...

Perhaps you're not ready because the news will be good and you haven't yet decided how to celebrate.

I'm lying in bed unable to sleep too. Only, I took an Ambian an hour ago and it's got me wide awake. I hope you're off in dreamland by now.

jeanie said...

It is a big milestone in your life, it is understandable to have apprehension no matter how brave you have approached this all month.

Hugs for tomorrow and I am crossing everything for an all clear and sudden disappearance of all pain in relief.

Caroline said...

Sleeping pills can be a good thing. I would take one tonight. The news tomorrow will be there tomorrow. Do something enjoyable today.

WhiteStone said...

Thinking of ya! Have a blessed Sunday.

Kayleigh said...

I'm a new commentor but can so relate to what you are saying. I had to wait a month for my core needle biopsy after the mammo & u/s. There is that delicate dance between hopeful not knowing and wondering if you do know on some level but are denying it -- and truthfully, either may be the case.

It just plain sucks.

At the end of my wait I decided to do a few things that I knew I wouldn't want to do for a while if it were not the news I'd hoped for. I decided to embrace my last moments of not knowing and enjoy them.

I hope you can enjoy today somehow and that tomorrow comes super quickly. I hope you have the BEST news possible and that you look back at this month with a deep sigh of relief.

Wishing it for you!!!!

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Hope you have a quiet and relaxing Sunday and that tomorrow goes well.

Kelly said...

What time is your appointment, Debby? (and you are eastern time, right?)

I forget which tests have immediate results and which you have to wait for. Will you know something right away?

Try to relax today and know that you have many, many folks praying for you and thinking about you!!!

(((hugs)))

Daria said...

Wishing you all the best tomorrow ...

quid said...

Put it in the perspective of where we were a couple of days ago... we yearned to have that baby, but as the day approached, apprehension about what would happen in the process set in.

Life's full of these concentric circles.

quid

RedWifey said...

The awesome thing about God is that he created the fickle, he loves the fickle and he walks side-by-side with us through our fickleness! :)

Prayers and blessings and God's peace be with you tomorrow.

Scotty said...

[[[[[Big hug]]]]]

Roland said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers a lot. More so tomorrow...

Laura Jane said...

Thinking of you...by the time I write this you will have either slept, or not, and it will be nearly MOnday.

Time passes...events unfold...hoping for good news.

Whatever the news, we are with you in spirit.

Sending love and prayers

rhubarbwhine said...

Wishing you nothing but good, great and gorgeous news. With you always. x

MuseSwings said...

I dreamt about you Friday night. I gave you a hug - and I was so glad I could do that. Sending you another now along with heart felt prayers for whatever tomorrow brings.

A Novel Woman said...

I'll be thinking of you as I run around helping my Youngest pack up for university across the country. Mixed emotions doesn't begin to cover it....

Here's hoping for good news for you tomorrow.

Pencil Writer said...

I think your thoughts about "hurry up and get here . . . so I'll know something . . . er . . . maybe I DON'T want to know . . ."

Very human of you. I think many, if not all of us, go through things like that, too.

Remember, whatever the outcome, God's watching over you, and it will ultimately be good in the end--whichever way this goes.

Still, I pray it will be great news for you!

WhiteStone said...

It's Monday morning and I'm thinking of you, hoping the scan is done and results are good.

Reb said...

My prayers are with you.
Reb

Anonymous said...

My prayers are also with you, and I too hope that all is well.
DavidM