Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Tough Stuff

I heard the strangest story. A family is dealing with a very tragic situation. The parents have made the decision to cover the situation up, to lie to their children. The children are not even children, per se. They are young adults. My take is that, number one, this is a small community, and nothing, NOOOOOOOTHING is a secret for long. I want my children to be able to rely on what I tell them. Number two, if my kids have to deal with tough stuff, I want to be the one helping them deal with it.

I don't think that it is sensible to try to protect your child from all the bad things in the world. I mean, no matter how good you are at that, there will come a time when those kids are dealing with crap. It's part of living. Life is a pain sometimes, but our children take their cues from us. They learn to cope by watching us cope. Am I perfect? No. Shoot, no. But I am sensible, and life might knock me on my behind for a period of time, but I'd like to think that I always get back up and continue on. I'd like to believe that when my kids deal with the tough stuff, they will follow the example of their mother.

8 comments:

Pam said...

Lies fester and grow and one lie leads to another and so on....

I vote in favor of truth-telling.

WhiteStone said...

You're right. Everyone has to deal with the pain, trauma, disaster, tribulation that occur in life. Avoidance does not help. I hope that my daughter gains strength from seeing me deal with cancer.

Scotty said...

One of my favourite sayings, from a Robert Heinlein book goes something like...
Do not disadvantage your kids by making their loves too easy and while it may be uncomfortable at times, the best way to help our children grow and develop coping mechanisms is to expose them to the bad as well as the good. Once they're exposed, being there as a a parent to discuss things with them and outline different ways of dealing with it should be Parenting 101, shouldn't it?

Kelly said...

Kids are not stupid. They always figure out when they've been lied to, eventually.

Debby said...

White Stone: It has been important to me, from the beginning to deal with cancer in a sensible, head on manner, for the sake of my children. We all learned a great deal about wisdom and God, I think.

Scotty, Mr. Heinlein (and you) are right, in my book. I've seen too many young people who have been pampered and cosseted in their teens. The parents are very dismayed when they have a child who, thrown into the real world, cannot handle things. Maturity is learning to deal with the hard stuff.

Kelly and Pam - The world is a messed up place. I don't ever want my kids to doubt me. There is no sense to lie to them.

steviewren said...

Our family life was dysfunctional enough as it was. I never wanted to compound that by being less than truthful with my kids. The truth is what sets you free.

Caroline said...

Truth is always important. Lies cause the problems.

Kim said...

I'm with you - no matter how painful the truth may be it is never as bad as festering lies and secrets.