Friday, July 31, 2009

Taking a Break

I'm at a loss for words right now. While I'm not fearful (and I am glad for that) I find it a little hard to be positive and optimistic. This roller coaster ride has had one dip too many, I guess. I cannot think of one single thing to say.

Today, I was dipping in a catchbasin. This place is wild with plants, and I love it. I heard a cheerful voice hailing me from the fence. "Hey, Rusty, how's it going?" I greeted him right back. He marveled over the biodiversity. I said, "I know, isn't it excellent?" He can name plants, and began doing so. I listened. "That's pretty neat that you can do that. I'm ignorant. There's a lot to be said for ignorance though, because every day I'm learning something new and that is exciting." Rusty laughed, but agreed that learning something new every day was exciting stuff, and that he himself made a point of trying to learn something new every day.

As I was out and about collecting sample after sample of mosquito larva (dear heavens, let it stop raining...), I found myself really enjoying the quiet. I did not play the radio. I just drove, and I thought, and I dipped mosquito larva, and filled two solid pages of notebook documenting samples. It felt good to be still.

Today, I ran into a charactor who has imported five Texas Longhorns. He was chock full of stories, and I enjoyed listening to him. I was amazed to hear that number one, long horns grow slowly. I guess that I figured that cattle used to desert conditions, once imported to the lush and rich Pennsylvania hills, would develop just as quickly as any other cattle species. Not so. Also discovered that Texas Longhorns are, in the words of this garrulous charactor, 'dumb bastards'. He was burning brush in the pasture, and to his astonishment, one of them walked right through the fire. Burned itself so badly that it stressed its immune system, ultimately winding up with lysteria, circling in tight left hand circles, until he had to put it down. Listening, I said, "You can't use that meat, right? So you lost the whole cow?" And the farmer nodded his head and said, "Yeah. We even had to be careful not to splatter any of the blood on ourselves." Fascinating stories. It felt good to listen to someone else's stories.

The PET scan is scheduled on August 31st. We're giving the incision from the latest biopsy a chance to heal completely so that the doctors have no doubt about what it is that they are seeing. I think this makes perfect sense. This is an expensive scan, and you might as well make sure that the results are unequivocable, to the best of your ability anyway. I imagine that it will be a long and sobering month.

This is what I think. Sometimes, life just knocks you on your butt, and the shock is so great that it knocks the words clean out of you. I can't imagine that this will be a permanent situation. I'm an excitable ignorant person, learning something new every day. But I do think that it is a time for me to be still, and to listen to the stories of others. Your stories too. And when my own words come back to me, I'll start writing again.

21 comments:

quid said...

A long month.

I'm hoping that you'll listen for a short while and then the words will flow again. I find it easiest to stay positive when I'm feeling productive in all endeavors.

But you can always hum along, and that works, too.

Hugs. Quid

steviewren said...

I understand. May your month be quiet and restful. And your may the silence be profound. Sometimes just being silent and thoughtful is the most healing thing to do. Hugs.

Bob said...

Ditto on the hugs, my friend. You'll find your voice again.

Mrs. Spit said...

I'm sorry. Really sorry. I like your stories.

Praying for comfort and solace and peace.

My stories at the moment mostly consist of useless contractors. Not interesting.

corymbia said...

Don't know what to say other than I'm thinking of you.

Oh ...and I'm reading about Rusty konwing about plants (like me) and thinking that YOU were collecting mosquito larvae which is something I've never done and want to know more about it. It is nice to always be learning new things....

Roland said...

You're in my thoughts, Debby. :)

Lavinia said...

I join you in hope and prayer that this will not be what we fear. I can't tell you how many times you and your circumstances have crossed my mind. Note I said circumstances and not credit card! Speaking of which, I am waiting for some sunshine so I can photograph the fountain to best advantage. We've had scads of rain and clouds up here too. Then you'll not only see the fountain but hear the story, as you are wont to do these days, of how I came to acquire a $2,000 fountain.

(Hint, I didn't pay for it, and I wouldn't shell out that kind of money for a fountain even if I had that kind of money for a fountain!)

RedWifey said...

Debby, praying for peace and comfort in your quietness. I'm praying that August flies by for both of us! :) Sending hugs!

Anonymous said...

I'll miss you and be praying for you.

Karen said...

Good for you, I will miss your writing and insight. Maybe it's time for me to try to do some writing of my own to entertain you a bit. Check in on my blog, I'll see what I can do. Be good to yourself. Until next time....

Scotty said...

Enjoy the quiet, Debby - every once in a while, above the peaceful sound of birds and wind, you'll hear the thoughts and prayers of friends.

Take care.

:-)

Bush Babe said...

I'll do my best, my friend.
Hugs
BB

Bush Babe said...

As I am at my sister's (and too lazy to sign out of her and sign in to me EVEN IF I COULD REMEMBER MY PASSWORD like that) I just wanted to send you some double (gentle) hugs from over here straight away.

Hug hug hug hug hug hug.

Jeanie (not currently in Paradise but about to pack the car)

Not

Bush Babe said...

(see, that not was meant to sit right above the Bush Babe moniker, not hang like that like it has no place). Anyway, more of them hugs.

Doris said...

I will miss your words of wisdom while you take a break.(I hope it isn't a long one) I read your blog every day and look forward to it.I understand the ups and downs of the cancer thing. I lost my soul mate last Dec. to cancer.I think you will really be ok, but the uncertainty drives you nuts.Keep the faith and keep your chin up.You are one special person! HUGS Doris

Kelly said...

Seems like a month is an awfully long time to have to wait on that PET scan....

In the meantime, I hope you find your "voice" again soon. I always enjoy your posts, whether I get around to commenting on them or not.

Hugs and prayers....

Anonymous said...

Deb, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Take care, DavidM

Nana Trish is Living the Dream said...

I will miss you, but I understand. You are a sweetie and I will continue to pray for you.

The Factory said...

Best wishes as always xxx

A Novel Woman said...

Sometimes taking a break is good.

But we'll still be here.

Mary Paddock said...

Just checking in. 'Hope things are going smoothly for you. You are in my prayers.