I finally got around to making the appointment for my surgical follow up. Being that I have crap for brains lately, it was one of those things that I just kept forgetting to do. And then, when I remembered it, I was out in the field somewhere with no cell phone reception. When I had reception, I didn't think about it. By the time I finished with work, the office was closed. (Really. Those people need to hurry up building that artificial brain).
I walked in there knowing what I was going to hear. I mean the lumps were benign. What I did not expect to hear was the doctor saying that there was a mass deep in the muscle, that he could feel it, but it was too deep to remove under a local anaesthetic. He talked about the fact that he was concerned about this, and that it had been on his mind. He talked about what an odd place it was for a lump. It is not in a place where you would expect to see an injury. He just said that he had a feeling that it needed to be followed up on. He read from my PET scan done last October, which described an area of activity in the left axillary area. Right where the lump is. It was felt that it was probably some degeneration of the shoulder, arthritis, but it went on to say that metatastic breast cancer could not be ruled out. Based on that, the surgeon felt that we should get another PET scan done, to compare. 'If the spot is brighter, or larger, this is bad.'
You know, seven months ago, these words would have scared the bejeebers out of me. I guess as you deal with this stuff you just get a little more matter of fact about things. I don't know what I feel, exactly. It's not fear. It's just sort of a stunned amazement that this picture can change so quickly. There's no sense getting upset until we know what it is, but it was the first time that the specter of metatastic breast cancer has been raised.