Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Surprise

I finally got around to making the appointment for my surgical follow up. Being that I have crap for brains lately, it was one of those things that I just kept forgetting to do. And then, when I remembered it, I was out in the field somewhere with no cell phone reception. When I had reception, I didn't think about it. By the time I finished with work, the office was closed. (Really. Those people need to hurry up building that artificial brain).

I walked in there knowing what I was going to hear. I mean the lumps were benign. What I did not expect to hear was the doctor saying that there was a mass deep in the muscle, that he could feel it, but it was too deep to remove under a local anaesthetic. He talked about the fact that he was concerned about this, and that it had been on his mind. He talked about what an odd place it was for a lump. It is not in a place where you would expect to see an injury. He just said that he had a feeling that it needed to be followed up on. He read from my PET scan done last October, which described an area of activity in the left axillary area. Right where the lump is. It was felt that it was probably some degeneration of the shoulder, arthritis, but it went on to say that metatastic breast cancer could not be ruled out. Based on that, the surgeon felt that we should get another PET scan done, to compare. 'If the spot is brighter, or larger, this is bad.'

You know, seven months ago, these words would have scared the bejeebers out of me. I guess as you deal with this stuff you just get a little more matter of fact about things. I don't know what I feel, exactly. It's not fear. It's just sort of a stunned amazement that this picture can change so quickly. There's no sense getting upset until we know what it is, but it was the first time that the specter of metatastic breast cancer has been raised.

11 comments:

steviewren said...

I had to read the post twice to make sure I was reading it right. I'm stunned too. So when does the next step happen? Maybe stunned and numb is the best way to feel until you know for sure.

Beth said...

Agree - stunned and numb is all you can do for now. Disbelief. Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way...

Roxanne said...

Sending prayers your way Debby. Hugs

quid said...

Good on your doctor. It sounds like it bears investigation. PET scan next week?

quid

Laura Jane said...

Gulp!

I'd be stunned too. Glad he is going to follow up on it. Hope you don't have to wait too long for results.

Fingers crossed x x x

Lesley said...

Deb, My thoughts and prayers are being sent your way. I know how you feel about the way your feelings changed throughout this process. It's like you sorta learn to just take it in stride and deal with it. It's a hand in the game of life that God has dealt us and we have to face it head on and keep pushing forward. No matter how hard the road ahead is to travel, we know that we will make it thru and we will be better people because of it. If you need anything, just give me a holler.... or Mom as far as that goes too. *Super huge hugs*

Caroline said...

Well, that wasn't expected... Sending all kinds of good thoughts.

rhubarbwhine said...

Stunned is the only word I can think of. Hugs to you, and wish I could send more than just hugs. x

Bush Babe said...

Well I am thinking 'if that doctor REALLY thought this was a serious and imminent possibility, he would have insisted on a quicker follow-up appointment'. Surely?

I am thinking 'he's being careful' which is good. And I am certainly not even entertaining ANY other thought.
Hugs and smiles ♥
BB

A Novel Woman said...

I'm sending positive thoughts for you, but I'm mad as #$%^ at the C word. I'd like to kick it to the curb.

Let's hope it's something that CAN be ruled out and WILL be ruled out.

Pam

Bob said...

You continue to face these unexpected developments admirably. We're all rooting for you.