Monday, July 27, 2009

Past It.

I'm not sure what has happened. I couldn't tell you for sure. I was surprised that after cancer treatment was done, I did not feel like cancer was done. It was a changing of gears, I guess, moving from the actual fight to the quiet watchfulness that comes afterwards. I'm taking the tamoxifen, and will for five years. This is supposed to reduce the chance of recurrence. I'm having a time with the joint aches, and in the morning, I hobble around like an old lady (no smart cracks please!) until I get everything loosened up. Finding another lump was a shocker, and the biopsy was a sickening deja vu, although the results were completely different. But now, a week later, what I am discovering is that I feel like 'I had cancer'. Like I'm past it.

I cannot tell you what has triggered this, but I am glad for it.

Right now, I'm so busy. Company coming. Going to a retreat with Mary. Going to a concert with my husband this weekend. I found out today that I will not be losing my job, after all. (*Chagrined smile* I have applications out on other jobs...) Pondering a big project. Working in my garden. Cara's coming home, and then heading back to school in a week. So much going on. NONE of it involves cancer.

This is what I know for sure. For the time being, anyway, I am done with cancer. I've rejoined the real world, changed, wiser (I think so, but I suppose it depends on who you're asking...), joyous deep inside myself, a joy that has nothing to do with my circumstances. It's a remarkable feeling, and I cannot stop marveling at this. For the first time, I realize that I'm again looking forward, and there are no niggling worries about what lies down the road.


7 comments:

Bush Babe said...

Welcome back hon!!! Now about that trip to Oz....
:-)
BB

Debby said...

Oh, BB, let me get this darling daughter through college first. 3 more years. Unless I suddenly become rich. BTW, Mr. I did a marvelous job on your walkway, and did you notice how I reduced the video to fit in my screen? Tell Jeanie. I'm so proud, but I hate to brag....

steviewren said...

Debby, I'm glad your eyes are on the future again. Enjoy this busy season of your life. And start putting those pennies in a jar for that trip to Oz.

Beth said...

Hi Debby, I am so glad to hear you feel like you can put this behind you (and so soon after finishing treatment and with that scare you had). Thanks for your encouragement.

Hal Johnson said...

Good for you, Debby.

Laura Jane said...

Thats wonderful news Debby, I can't tell you what a spring it puts in my step!

jeanie said...

Hallelujah!!!