Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Old E-Mails

I have a bad habit. I just tend to let my e-mails build up. I have a couple hundred e-mails, and my responses to them from this past winter. I was in the process of deleting them when I realized that actually, they were kind of interesting. So much of this winter passed in a drugged fog. I forgot things. I forgot how kind people were. I forgot how chemo knocked me on my butt. At one point, when the drugs were making me woozy, I was trying to be brave, but commented to a friend, "This is not much different than being on a tilt-a-whirl. I am sick and want off the ride, but the tattooed operator is smoking a cigarette and talking to a peroxided blonde in tight jeans. He's not paying attention at all, and the ride just goes on and on and on. All I can do is hold on..." I was kind of impressed with that, although I did not remember saying it. I got kind of interested in reading those snippets of raw emotion from that time. Chemo was really hard. I got through it. For the first time, reading those old e-mails, I felt a sense of accomplishment.

6 comments:

WhiteStone said...

Emails tend to replace what used to be called "journaling". Going back and reading what you wrote "way back then" is always encouraging, for we tend to forget the raw eloquence that was ours during those times of deep pain.

steviewren said...

You should save those emails. Someone else might be able to benefit from your experiences one day. You are a natural communicator.

Bush Babe said...

It's weird, but it feels like a lifetime ago to me too... I vote you save it - save it all. It's your chart - an e-chart of your journey!!
:-)
BB

Roxanne said...

I love the analogy of the ride at the fair. It's perfect. You are such a talented writer. I have a basket of cards that have been sent since all this started and I like to get then out and read them sometimes just to be encouraged. I think you should save those e-mails too. Blessings

Scotty said...

Sounds like a great idea for a post, Debby - a montage of email moments...

:-)

Anonymous said...

You're darn tootin you got through it! we were along, in spirit, rooting for you along the way. God bless!

-Lavinia