I think that I'm on the downhill slide of all this drug stuff. Finally. I have gotten to the point that more of my night passes while I'm alseep than when I am wide awake wondering what made me dream that. I came to a conclusion about those dreams. They were simply very literal manifestations of my thoughts and fears. Take the statement: "I love asparagus", which is true. It played out literally in my dreams. There were dreams about huge black birds, and about being lost, and small bite-y dogs. I should have written them down. They've just just sort of receded into the dark recesses of what appears to be, anyway, a darker mind than I knew I ever had. So now I'm sleeping again, and sleeping soundly, waking up in the morning craving more sleep. I usually wake up at least once a night so parched I have to get up and drink a bottle of water, but things are getting back to normal, and for that I am everlastingly grateful.
Cara is home for the weekend. She actually got home Thursday night but met a friend for coffee before she bothered pulling in this driveway. (Ouch.) She called me about 2:30 in the afternoon. "Mom," she said, "Will you make pizza for us tonight? Can the gang stay over?"
"Well," I said, "I have to run over and see Mary and Danny tonight." They had just gotten home from their trip out west. They had gone to see the Grand Canyon and the Painted Desert, Sequoia National Park, Las Vegas, bunch of places. Armed with their new digital camera and a rental car, they had two weeks of adventuring recorded. I wanted to see the pictures and hear their stories. Mary was also recuperating from the day's adventures in radiotherapy and I wanted to see how she was doing.
Cara listened to this and then said, "Wait. You made plans when you knew that I was coming home for the weekend?" Me: "Well, yeah. I figured that you would be out running with James, Johnna, Sarah, and Tommy." Cara: "Well, yeah, but..." "Cara," I said, "I've got a life!" So I went home from work, showered, made two pizzas (cheated, used premade crusts), sausage, pepperoni, onions, mushrooms, green peppers and mozzarella cheese. These babies were loaded. There were kids sprawled all over the sofas. The stereo was blasting 'throw back music', music from their youth. (they are 18 and 19. Isn't that hysterically funny...) The Back Street Boys, Destiny's Child, oh, I don't know what all. Lots of laughing and dancing. I left the house as Cara dropped her pizza on the rug. They had just finished cleaning up Sarah's Snapple pomengranate tea. I figured it was a good time to leave. The house is quiet this morning. They're all crashed where ever they could find a place. They'll depart during the day, for their jobs, or for their responsibilities at home.
They're all grown up, but it was nice to have them all at the house again. They are good kids, all of them brainiacs and marching band 'nerds' and they spent a lot of time at my house while they were in high school. So much has changed in this one year, and it was good to have a reminder of the way that it used to be, before Cara left for college, back when I had hair, back when I was the most hysterically funny mother on the face of the planet.
Things have changed so much in the last year, and now, again, I find myself on the precipice of big, big changes in my life. I'm blinking a little in amazement, but I am not nervous at all. How life does work. Stay tuned.