Now that the cancer treatment is behind me (except for the daily tamoxifen), I realize that I have questions. Trying to decipher the vast quantities of information available is difficult. Sometimes it is scary. So when I went back to the Cancer Center yesterday, I had questions. Like, for instance, if breast cancer is going to metasticize, generally it will go to the lungs, the brain, or the liver. How are they monitoring for that? What's the game plan? What am I supposed to be looking for? What is the standard follow-up care for breast cancer? How do you tell the difference between scar tissue and a tumor? The doctor there was nice. It wasn't her fault. She was filling in for my own doctor on maternity leave. She kept saying, "Ma'am, I cannot believe that Dr. B did not discuss this with you." "Certainly Dr. B. has covered all this with you..." I walked out of there feeling like a jackass.
Now I have another question. Why did I feel like a jackass? They were valid questions. I've really got to snap out of my self conscious, bumbling, easily embarrassed manner of dealing with this. After everything, I'm surprised that I still have to have these conversations with myself.