Saturday, May 16, 2009


Cara left today. She'll be living with Dylan in Allentown for the summer. It will be good for them both, and I am glad they get along.

I took a long lunch today, and came home and had lunch with Tim and Cara. After we saw Tim off to work, she and I headed out for a cup of coffee. She was having some doubts about the move last night but today, she seemed much more sure of herself. One of her big concerns was, 'What if you get sick again?' I didn't really know how to respond to that last night. After thinking it over, I had an answer. We sipped on our coffees and talked about this and that. I said, "I want you to listen to something. I do not want you sitting around afraid to go off and do things because I might get sick again. I've already made up my mind that I simply can't allow myself to be overcome with fear and dread. It would be wasting my life. If you do it, it's wasting your life. Neither of us know what's in store, but we both got lives to live, and we need to focus on living. That's what faith is all about."

She fixed me with those green eyes and she asked the question. What she wants is a guarantee that everything's going to be fine, that cancer won't come back. She wants facts and statistics and odds. "Cara," I said. She looked at me with her chin quivering. "Listen to me. At some point, you'll have to deal with the death of your mother. You understand this, right?" She nodded, not looking at me. I have to be careful here. I don't want to lie. She's an adult. Being an adult is hard sometimes. I give her numbers, because she wants them. I give her the facts because she's asking. We sip our coffee and we talk about life. We talk about the important things. I listen while she talks. She listens while I talk. We laugh. We nod. Anybody watching us would have seen a mother and a daughter having coffee together. It was more than that. I watched Cara mature before my very eyes.


Bush Babe said...

You totally made me cry just now, you naughty woman! Holy moly Debby.

And Cara? I am with you, girl... we all want guarantees your ma will be around for a long while. There is a song about it. It goes: "You can't always get what you want".

Mrs. Spit said...

Takes your breathe away. I became a woman that first night I sat by my mother's bed, willing her to live.

MuseSwings said...

So beautifully said! Everything.

Stop by - I'm having a little party at my place and saved a special seat for you.

Pam said...

Oh my, you started my day with a welling up of my eyes. What a beautiful conversation you had with Cara.

I was really touched. Facing all the possible realities of life is difficult for young adults who are still tethered to the invincible, happily-ever-after life stage.

I lost my father in my twenties, my mother a few short years later. The shock of that reality was, for me, life altering as well as life changing. I wasn't prepared; my family was in total denial; I nearly lost my way.

(((HUGS)) to you both. Cara is lucky to have you for a mom.

Lydia said...

Well, thanks for a wonderful post. I can see my mom and I having a similar conversation. She is well, but she is 74, and I know I won't have the rest of my days with her.

Blessings to you both. Now I'm going to go put on my mascara again.

Kelly said...

I'm so glad you were able to have that conversation. So touching!!!

I was 11 when my dad died, 17 when my mother died. I can understand Cara's concerns.

Be confident, live for today and trust God!

Mikey said...

Tough conversation to have. I remember ours, same kind of thing. You can't stop your life because of what might happen. Just remember to tell the ones you love that you love them, all the time.
We're looking at the end for my grandma. She's in the hospital with the stroke, still bleeding on the brain. They also found a mass of breast cancer in her remaining breast. At her age (90) they are opting not to treat it. She is bedridden at this point and we just have to see where it goes. But we are prepared, family came in from NV and CA today. Tough times, but family comes together and we have each other.
Cara is a smart capable girl. YOU have many years left and lots to do still. There's a horse out here with your name on it...hint hint

Roxanne said...

What a beautiful post. I remember my mother having the same conversation with me 5 years ago and now I need to have it with my daughter. Thank you for sharing.

Lavinia said...

Pass the kleenex!

Scotty said...

Way to go, Debby - a difficult moment handled well.

jeanie said...

Oh Deb - oh Cara - lots of hugs.

Lesley said...

Difficult conversation handled beautifully. There are no guarantees in this life. You have to just live life to it's fullest while we are on this wild ride. Tell your loved ones how much you love them now while you still can. Deb, you know Mom, and she's been beating this now for 25+ years. If she can do it, I know that WE can do it also!! I have an extra reason to beat this (on top of beating it for my kids' sakes), that reason is my Mom. She's already had to bury both of my brothers... one as just a baby, the other in a horrific trucking accident... so I am determined not to make her have to bury her last child. Life is definitely unfair at times, but we have to learn to roll with the punches and get in a couple good swings if given the opportunity. You are doing great with this fight and are beating it, and I know you'll continute to beat it.... as will I.... Just keep your fists up and ready to swing!! :) *Hugs* Deb

A Novel Woman said...

Such a good mom. Such a good daughter. These are the moments we string together like pearls, and wear proudly and with love, over our hearts.