Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Visualization

Once I knew someone who was big, and strong, a blustery charactor who challenged and fought everything in life. Then he got cancer. He said, "I believe that this cancer is going to kill me," and in just a few months, he was gone.

I heard about a young woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer at a very young age, years ago, when treatment for cancer was always radical and awful. She had every reason to be afraid. Her sister had already died from breast cancer. But this teeny tiny woman fought, and she won, and many years later when she had become an old woman, she was asked, "Weren't you afraid that you would die, knowing that your sister had?" And the teeny tiny old woman snapped, "I couldn't die! I had young children to take care of." In her mind, that was that, then.

Cancer is not only a physical battle, but a mental one as well. I have always considered myself a strong person, and that was validated when my body really held up well to the rigors of chemo. I'm red and hurting, but radiation is nearly done. (NEXT Friday, people!) Now that the physical challenges are nearly behind me, I'm overwhelmed by the mental challenges of it all. Reading about metastic breast cancer scared me. Mary's second diagnosis of cancer three months after finishing radiation rattled me big time. By the time I discovered words I hadn't noticed before in my own onc report, I was completely unhinged. A fearful heart is not going to win this battle. I need to buck up.

On that bright note, I am going to bed early. I will listen to a CD of thunderstorms, and I will visualize myself, tanned, cancer free, sitting on my back deck watching a storm roll in after a hot summer day. The lightning does not scare me, and the thunder is just a noise. The air crackles with electricity, with life. When the rain comes, it comes in torrents, and when I finally make my way inside, I am soaked to the skin. Water drips from my new grown hair, and I reach back to brush it out of my eyes...

13 comments:

Roland said...

You're back deck storm sounds nice.

Nana Trish is Living the Dream said...

I need to do that. You are creative Deb.

Kelly said...

You are absolutely right. It IS a mental battle as well as a physical one.

That said.... keep up your positive mental attitude. You can beat this and you will!

Lydia said...

"When you have done all, stand." You have certainly shown us how to stand.... I know you won't back up.

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

You go girl!! Keep up with the positive and fight back...be a scrapper! There is always calm and a rainbow after the storm.

steviewren said...

Way to keep your mental game strong Debby! Go girl!

A Novel Woman said...

You know, I have two nieces in their twenties, sisters two years apart, both of whom are incredible athletes. One had a bit of an edge in that she was at one point physically better and stronger than the other, but she wasn't as dedicated to the game, or the practice or the sacrifices that were required to make it as a professional. She gave it up and pursued another career. The other, the one who wasn't as naturally gifted, gave it her all. Her complete and utter focus was on the sport. She is now one of the top coaches in the U.S. and has played at a professional level.

She will be the first one to tell you - winners, of the Olympic variety or any other competition in life, are winners because of the mental game they must play.

Let go of the stress. Concentrate on your mental game. And win, dammit.

Caroline said...

I find the mental battle to often be as difficult or worse than the physical battle. Its a roller coaster and you can't get off.

Bush Babe said...

Yep. What Pam (ANW) said. You've got what it takes Deb. Focus and live and breathe. And dream of that Aussie holiday while you are at it, OK??
:-)
BB

Karen said...

That powerful lighting and thunder are a reminder that God is in charge.

"Be still and know that I am God;"
Psalm 46:10

Lori said...

I truly believe that it is a mental as well as a physical battle. And I know you'll win both!

PaintedPromise said...

stand. stand strong. know that God is with you and that with all of us praying for you, there will be a blog entry this summer describing exactly what you did tonight... and i for one can't wait to read it! gotta love those summer storms...

and the donkeys say HEE HAW Debby - you go girl!!!

Dennis Pyritz, RN said...

Just browsing the cancer blogs on a rainy afternoon. I am impressed by your writing style and by your spirit. Hang in there. I am a 7 year survivor of two bouts of a rare leukemia that has a 7 month median survival - 4 year transplant survivor. I am also a cancer nurse. I just started my own blogging community. Please stop by and visit when you have the opportunity. www.beingcancer.net Take care, Dennis