We had a beautiful weekend. It was hot. It was sunny. We worked. We celebrated. I know it's psychological. It has to be. Having a whole month off from the cancer center has provided me with time to think about other things besides cancer. Tremendously freeing. 'Graduating' from treatment is a big boost to my spirits. I realize that the milestone means little. Is the cancer gone for good? Dunno. But I've completed a grueling round of treatment that is supposed to make a recurrence less likely. Cancer is a funny thing. You look at your own mortality square in the face, and it is unnerving. Somewhere along the line, I figured out that each of us live until we die. It's the same for all of us. Any person could sit around obsessing about the end, about how they will die. To do so is a waste of life.
This weekend I looked a lot. I paid attention. A cardinal caught my eye, a bright spot of red in the pale green of the buds. It was pretty. When we were getting firewood, the view was magnificent, one mountain rolling into another, to another, and on and on as far as the eye could see. And speaking of firewood, we will have to take a small break. We need about two more cord of wood for next winter, but Tim noticed that a nest had been built in the rafters of the woodshed. We could hear the parent robins having a fit outside as we unloaded the wood. There are three bright blue eggs in the nest. We stopped after only unloading half the wood, so as not to keep the robins away from the nest that means so much to them. We can unload the other half another day. I baked brownies and two chocolate truffle tortes for the desert sale today at church. On the surface of it, life goes on as it always has. What is different, I think, is me. It's hard to explain, really. It's as if I have wrapped life around me like a warm shawl, admiring the pattern of it, the colors, the softness of the material. I've buried my face in it, inhaling deep of the fragrance. And sometimes, I twirl with my arms outstretched, simply to enjoy the way the fringe swings with me.