The elliptical workouts have been going so well that (always in a hurry) I stepped it up to two workouts a day. A 30 minute one in the morning, a 45 minute one in the evening. Yesterday, I hit a wall. I worked all day, at home, and at one of the apartments, hauling bins of 150 year old plaster down a flight of stairs and on to a truck.
End result? I was so exhausted at the end of the day that I could not keep my eyes open. Yeah. I am, physically, a very strong person. I never realized this about myself. Also, though, I've got to acknowledge that, physically, this body has taken quite a beating, and I need to ease back into my life. Anxious as I am for things to 'get back to normal', it's not going to happen overnight.
I've been thinking about it this morning. I've been really blessed by the fact that when this all hit, I was a healthy person. (I still make the joke: 'Really, I'm a very healthy person, except for the whole cancer thing.') I did a load of walking in my job. I had noticed last summer that I was exhausted a lot, and stumbled a lot. I used to get pretty impatient with myself. ("Pick up your feet, for gosh sakes.") It never dawned on me that I was exhausted for a reason. I'm used to just pushing on through. So I'm made of pretty sturdy stuff. Physically, I was up to the challenge.
The mental challenges were another thing altogether. My brain reeled, initially, at the amount of information I was processing in an awfully short period of time. I was making decisions that I never dreamed I'd be making. Staring at my own mortality was surreal. Mentally, I really stumbled. I think that my blog posts from this time sort of reflect that. It was easy to get bogged down, discouraged, frightened. That's the challenge that I could have never faced on my own. I prayed a lot. I turned to friends, both friends that I see regularly, and friends I've never met. I was encouraged. New friends, old friends, friends all over the place. That's where I found the courage to laugh, and to keep on putting one foot in front of the other. There were an awful lot of blessings during this time.
So, in an astonishing turnaround from last fall, right now, physically, I am struggling. Mentally, though, I've been getting quite a 'work out' since September. Mentally, I am up to almost any challenge. Even getting my poor body back into some semblance of 'physically fit'.