Friday, March 20, 2009

Better Every Day

Ack. Woke up to snow this morning.
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I cannot get over how much stronger and better I feel each and every day. I don't think that I fully grasped the term 'chemo brain' until now. I find myself looking back at this winter and realizing that it really passed me by in a fog of exhaustion and emotions, drugs, pushing myself, trying to cope. Each day, my thought processes clear a bit more, and, physically, I can push a little farther than I did before. I realized yesterday that I was trotting across the parking lot to the Cancer Center. Without realizing it, my body has begun to fall back into its old rhythms and habits. I've always walked at a fast clip, a 'farmer's walk' as it is phrased here.

Yesterday, while I lay on the table and a big machine whirled and buzzed above me, the piped-in 'oldies station' played 'Suite: Judy Blue Eyes' and, suddenly, I was someone else, younger, long hair flying, sure of everything, too young, too busy to be thinking of cancer.

What was and what is. For a winter these two phases of my life seemed as if they were totally unconnected to each other. My step slowed, and I looked at my own mortality. My thoughts became fretful and confused. Now winter is past, and once again, life rises within me. I am becoming again what I was always. I look about me, and I take nothing for granted.

17 comments:

Kim said...

E-mail me at ravensedge@charter.net and I will send you the witch patterns for cross stitch. Happy Spring!

Anonymous said...

Good to hear you are feeling better Debby and are feeling so strong again.
It is many years now since my treatment and I know I was surprised then when I heard the comment from some that having cancer had been a positive for them.
Now I think I realise a bit of what they meant. For me it was something of a watershed in my life, in how I felt about myself in coping, the insight it gave me into many other people's experience and losing any fear of death. I think I am in some ways better for it, although I would not have chosen to come this path.
Everyone is different but I am happy to say I have come through - so far. But that 'so far' doesn't worry me. I know it won't for you too.
With love - hope the rest of the journey goes as smoothly. Barb

Anonymous said...

I am very involved with the 912 Project. If you go onto the website and click on Stand and Lead, you will meet hundreds of people just like you who are concerned for our nation. Read the comments and ideas. Please take this seriously; Watch the Video post on March 18th of My Title.

www.mytitleofliberty.blogspot.com
LDS view
www.freedoms-fight.blogspot.com
Secular view

Women and Mothers need to stand up!

Also: Good luck with your journey...we are dealing with Cancer also.
www.giles-avarie.blogspot.com

MuseSwings said...

Ahhhh the Debby has dudted herself off and is back to feeling well! It's been a long haul but you've come out the other end with your spirit and sense of humor intact! You are WOMAN!

MuseSwings said...

uh...dusted

Kelly said...

Since I've only been coming here for a few months, I don't guess I've ever seen the "real you" (even though I've liked the Debby I've gotten to know!).

Glad you're getting back to your "old self" (only better!).

Karen said...

Snow on the first day of spring is just wrong.

Bob said...

You deserve all the good you get, friend. May it only get better.

Pam said...

You go girl!!! I'm lovin' what I'm hearing from you these days!!!

Hope does indeed spring eternal with the onset of spring!!!

Anonymous said...

Onward and upward. Life still has many (good) things in store for you....

-Lavi

Hal Johnson said...

I've written it before and I'll write it again: Debbie, you're an inspiration.

Mary Paddock said...

Good to hear you're on the mend!

Dave said...

It's great that your spirits are rising and you feel better Debbie! :) - Dave

Bush Babe said...

The 'taking nothing for granted' is a gift in itself. An expensive gift, I grant you. But a gift nonetheless.
Hugs
BB

steviewren said...

I'm glad that you are feeling like yourself again. Just in time for Spring and all the newness that it brings with it. Happy weekend!

jeanie said...

Hey Debby - for some of us, the snow would be excellent fun!!!

I am so glad Deb is getting her groove back!

kpaeck said...

so glad that you are feeling better. If you ever get a chance come on over to the lab and look me up and maybe we can do lunch or something. I am sure that you dont feel up to it after a treatment, but if you are ever in town I am usually at good ole WGH from either 6-2:30 or 7-3:30 during the week unless it is my day off! I think you have my cell just give me a holler and we can meet in the yummy cafeteria, because I only get a half hour for lunch!