One year ago, cancer was still something that happened to other people. One year ago I still hated my hair. One year ago the idea of giving myself shots in the stomach would have been something that I would have said that I could never do. I would have still been the self sufficient woman my husband married. My poor stressed dog would not be an emotional eater. The list goes on and on.
I've learned a lot about myself this year. I've learned that I can endure a lot more than I ever thought that I could. I've learned that turning to others is not a weakness. And that no matter how close I am to 'breaking', if you bring my children into the room, I become a mom, and I am wise, and sensible, and practical for their sakes. I've learned to live day by day, to deal with the issues at hand instead of fretting over the stuff that looms on the horizon.
I've been trying to assess the impact that cancer has had on my life. I'll be speaking at Clarion University at their Relay of Life, and I cannot imagine what I will say. Cancer is not the worst
thing that has ever happened to me. This surprises me, but it is true. The truly good things in my life were only made better by the experience. I finally found the courage to simply step away from the negative things that I've agonized over for years. This awful time has been filled with blessings. Cancer is scary and uncertain. It's uncomfortable, and it is a mental challenge, always, but I feel like the person emerging from this dark place is a better person than she was before.
I'd also like to vote that the next time I have a big life lesson to learn, I just get issued a study guide with the answers at the end of the chapter.