When I was at Dylan's house, kneading bread dough, I noticed a sharp pain in the front of my neck whenever I turned my head. Touching it, I was surprised to feel a large lump. I called the cancer center and made an appointment. Then I went on kneading my bread, and set the dough to rise. Inside, whole 'nuther story. It was just heartstopping. It just couldn't be happening. I just finished chemo, for pity's sake! Amazingly, by the end of the day, the lump was gone. This morning, the doctor said she couldn't feel it either, and speculated that it might have been a swollen lymph node.
I keep thinking of that sharp shock of fear when I felt that lump. I'm a pretty calm person, not given over to fearfulness. Well. At least I used to be. Cancer has changed me. I find myself wondering if things will ever go back to normal, or is this the new me?