Sunday, January 4, 2009


Yesterday, Tim spent a great deal of time watching football. I guess these games are determining some pretty important stuff. Since I am not a football fan, these determinations do not matter one whit to me. So I perused the web. I found a pretty interesting blog. Caroline's Breast Cancer Blog was a big comfort. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in June of 2007, so she has been down the long treatment road ahead of me. It was affirming to discover that she felt as if treatment had released her 'evil two year old twin'. I felt much better. I tend to get very quiet when the hard times hit. I can't bear the thought of being a whiner. Sometimes, though, I get grumpy. I can't stand me grumpy either, so I try to stay away from people then. Yet when, to my closest friends, I say how awful I am, they are surprised that I should be surprised by this. "Bring it on," they say. "We can take you." They can. I know it. I'm glad for all the people in my life who 'ain't skeerd o' me'.
Another thing that Caroline complained of was the boredom. Oh, man, do I ever 'get' that. I feel isolated, too exhausted to go out. I take naps virtually every day. I read a lot. (Digression: suggestion? 'The Size of the World' by Joan Silber. Excellent, excellent book.) My focus on life has become very do I feel?...have I lead a good and productive life?...when will my life be 'normal' again?...will it be? Thinking, napping, reading, writing. Not exciting, I'm afraid.
I realized when I read Caroline's blog that I am very blessed. For a woman who usually finds herself dealing with side effects for the most innocuous drugs, here I am pumped full of some pretty 'kick ass' medications, and actually doing pretty fine. I'm tireder than I have ever been in my life, and although nausea is my constant companion, I have, not once, up-chucked. Reading Caroline's battles with the various side effects, I realize how lucky I have been. As she talked about mouth sores, I realized how close a call I had. I might have had to give up chipotle peppers or my orange juice! Comparatively speaking, I have sailed through this chemo, at least so far.
I read about her joy when her hair started to grow back. That joy turned to dismay when she noticed that it was all gray, that dismay to horror when she realized that it was not only gray but what she described as 'sheep's butt hair'. Thick, wooly, completely unmanageable. You can bet I sent an e-mail immediately. I had to know, all these months after chemo, did she still have sheep's butt hair? No answer yet, but I will keep you posted.
I'm dealing with a lot of stuff here, and sometimes I am overwhelmed. I am accustomed to being able to handle everything, but am finding that sometimes I can't. It was nice to discover that while these feelings are new to me, really, they are pretty normal for these tough times. I read through Caroline's blog and came away feeling like a human being, and a pretty lucky human being, at that. Hooray for the internet. Hooray for bloggers!


Mikey said...

It is great, isn't it? This way to communicate and find the people who are going thru what you are. It's a blessing for dang sure.
I love that we all share ideas and tips and just LIFE.
You keep your chin up. If you get so dang bored, turn up the heat and run around naked :) That'll relieve your boredom :) lol

Bush Babe said...

Deb, how is your movie watching going?? I watched Mama Mia last night - I think I smiled through the whole blinkin' thing.

On another note, that boredom means at least you are slowing down enough to let your body rest and fight and heal. Good stuff!! BTW I haven't found you boring at all... or muddled for that matter.

And "ay" to you and Mikey re: the blogging world. It's like chancing on an undiscovered continent!!


Debby said...

Mikey - If Tim's bored, it would relieve his boredom as well.

BB - movie watching? Um. I watch them sometimes, but it is cheaper to read books, so mostly, I do that. I've been thinking to ask around church to see if anyone would be willing to loan out some of their movies on my list.

Redlefty said...

Hooray for focused mind writing a whole blog post! :)

A Novel Woman said...

Hooray for you! (And your sheep butt hair comment made me laugh aloud!)

steviewren said...

I agree the blog world is a great place to find like minded people, people who have had the same sorts of experiences and people who you would never have the opportunity to meet in real life. My life has been enriched by blogging this past year.

That's a great idea to borrow movies from friends since people generally only buy the ones they really maybe you wouldn't get many duds.

Caroline's blog sounds real and informative and encouraging. I'm glad you found her. I hope you don't get the sheep's butt hair though....: )

jeanie said...

Hey there Deb - over here our public library has dvds - not all latest release but some reasonable ones - for FREE!

Glad you found a connection - yay for blogland!

Scotty said...

Blogging can be great at times, can't it? It's amazing what one can find in Blogland.

Oh, and I agree with Mikey on the naked thing. Why? Because it's fun to see the expression on the children's faces (or the neighbours if you leave the curtains open...)


You know I'm kidding, right? Are you smiling yet?


Anonymous said...

I checked out that link Deb - looks like a good one. Wish I had had something like that when I had bc - but no blogland then to keep me amused/informed. However I did hope for my hair to grow back curly and it didn't, so I really felt cheated there!

Chin up, it does comes to an end, really. And don't forget the photos when you decide what to do to keep all amused!

Love Barb

Cimba7200 said...

Thanks for continuing to blog and express your thoughts and feelings Debbie. It helps us to understand how you feel and what it is like. Best wishes. - Dave

Anonymous said...

Hi Debby,

Here's a voice from your past - your cousin, Joanne. Immediately, after hearing about your cancer I received this information in a forwarded email. Not knowing whether,seeing how little contact we have had, I should send it to you, I prayed and delayed. This morning for some reason I decided to see if I could locate you and send the information. My mom had told me you wrote for the Warren newspaper. So with intent to help and not intrude I send you this web address

May YHWH bless you,


Debby said...

Well, cousin! Send me an e-mail so that we can connect. It would be fun to catch up. When's the last time that I actually sat down and talked to you? It's been years! Egad. Where does the time go?

Caroline said...

Yes, my hair is slowly returning to normal!!! (Sorry for the delay in replying but when you left a comment on my blog, I don't always know how to reply.)I am at 13 months from the end of chemo. My hair has been cut several times. With each cut, more of the gray curly sheep's butt is gone and my normal light brown is coming in. But my hair dresser said it will probably take another year before I get to a shoulder length bob.

Anyway, thank you for reading my blog and discussing it. I will add yours to the list of the one's I follow.