I got Trevor's pin on Saturday, the one that read 'Cancer Sucks!' I put it on my coat right away. It sure does make people do a double take. They usually laugh, after the initial staring. Somehow it just made me feel a lot like my old self.
The 'spunky' self.
The 'funny' self.
It also made me very aware of how much of myself has been lost during this time. I've become a different self altogether.
The 'coping' self.
I realized what was missing. I had company on Friday night. My sister and her husband came for supper. They also brought supper. (Man. Sometimes having cancer just kind of works for me.) I met a woman, through the newspaper who is about 2 months ahead of me treatment-wise. She has been an invaluable resource to me. I also found out (in one of those ironies of small town living) that she was my sister and her husband's maid of honor at their wedding 20+ years ago. They had lost touch through the years. It was fun to orchestrate the reunion.
I miss fun.
I'm going to have more of it.