Sunday, January 11, 2009

Explanation

People who know me seem to have some doubt as to my 'reserved nature'. Let me explain it to you as best I can. I can talk about nothing the livelong day. I can talk your ear off, and I am interested in your life and full of questions. I have oodles of funny stories, because really, life's funny like that. I can listen to people talk forever. I find people fascinating.
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Where I get reserved and quiet is talking about myself. About feeling sick. About the fear in the middle of the night. About the gray fog that is my future. About my own doubts. About my own self loathing. About the surety, deep inside me, that when people say nice things, or do nice things, they are only saying so, or doing so out of a sense of responsibility, or because they are being nice, or because they are Christians (and therefore have to be good). Cancer is kind of personal, and I'm just learning to talk about it, a full 3 months after the diagnosis.
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And yes, as people step out in kindness, as my friends rally around both Tim and me, it does occur to me that God may be trying to show me something here. Believe me, I am trying to learn the lessons.

1 comment:

rhubarbwhine said...

Happy Happy Blogday! I am so glad you did start blogging, I am addicted to you :)