Thursday, December 4, 2008

Poker


I'm almost completely bald now, wearing my wig. It's a bit lighter than I'm used to. I'm making my peace with it. It is what it is. That's all.
******************
Cancer is a strange reality. Bush Babe wrote a very nice post on courage yesterday. She included me. It actually surprised me. It's not that I don't realize that I possess courage. I do. I know that thing about myself. But cancer is a little different. I woke up one morning and began my day like any other day. Before the end of the day, I'd found a large lump and things haven't been the same since. I believe that I've simply been playing the hand that I've been dealt the very best way that I know how.
*******************
This is not to say that I've dealt with it perfectly.
Cripes.
I have cried a great deal in the last couple months. But also, I have laughed a great deal. I've been afraid in the dark, and I've gloried in the day. I've found myself more patient, but on the same token, I've been able to separate the wheat from the chaff in a way that's never happened before. I've taken a look at troublesome relationships, and decided that I really can't deal with these things now, and told the people so. Distancing myself from drama is probably one of the greatest gifts I've done for myself. Tim and I have drawn closer. The kids have rallied beautifully. This is a hard time, but truly, I have never been more blessed.
******************
Is this courage? I still cannot say that I see it that way. Everywhere, all over this world, people get up in the morning and resolutely play the hand that life has dealt them. I'm no different. This time around, I got dealt some pretty sucky cards, but I'm still in the game.

20 comments:

steviewren said...

You look cute in the wig. And it doesn't look like a wig either.

I think courage is having your eyes open, looking at the truth straight on, telling others the truth, and getting up when life knocks you down. You do all of that in abundance. You inspire me.

MuseSwings said...

I love it! You look beautiful! It certainly does no look like a wig. Your other hair will be back before you know it, and you won't be able to just plunk it on the bedpost overnight. Keep the faith darlin'

jeanie said...

Definitely doesn't look wiggy - mind you, your eyes look very much have that "in the spotlight" look, bunny.

I don't think courage is always about knights going forth to slay the dragons and rescue the virgins, sometimes it is about being dealt a crap hand and playing on.

Mary Paddock said...

Deb, I never would have guessed you were wearing a wig, even though I've seen a picture of you before treatment. If not told I would have assumed you had simply opted to go for a major change in your appearance. It looks good.

Mary Paddock said...

PS. I really like Jeanie's comment about courage. :)

Bush Babe said...

You have beautiful eyes!!! Wow. Kinda sad at the moment, but beautiful. Nice to see another pic of you. I agree the hair looks great.

I think part of the courage I see in you is how you get knocked, and hurt, then seem to dust yourself off and forge ahead. It's a quality greatly admired Down Under. Like that quote at the end of my Courage post... and like Jeanie said, not flashy and headline-grabbing, but real and somehow reassuring.

Tears and courage can (and often do) go hand-in-hand. I love hearing about the bursts of laughter too. You have a great family. Real. And great.

:-)
BB

A Novel Woman said...

1. I'd have never have known that was a wig.

2. You really suit that shorter hairstyle.

3. You have GORGEOUS eyes. Holy cow.

4. You are courageous because of the way you are handling what life has thrown at you.And you do it beautifully.

Pam

Hal Johnson said...

I agree about the wig. It doesn't look like a wig. I agree about your eyes. And I agree that you're inspirational.

Pencil Writer said...

I think the new look is fantastic! And it does showcase your eyes. I'd even consider it as a permanent style--even when you own hair comes back. Like everyone else said, wouldn't have guessed it was a wig.

And, also, like everyone else said: courage is keeping your nose above the water even when the waves keep breaking over your head. You're doing great leading the charge.

Portia said...

While dealing with your own problems you have encouraged others like me to deal with our "cards". Sharing your experiences and advice with me has been a blessing.

The wig looks good and I do like the color.

Love the antique chair, have those been in your family for a long time? That woodwork is beautiful!

Mikey said...

That TOTALLY does NOT look like a wig!! Wow! You look GREAT!! You look AMAZING!!
Girl, you never cease to amaze me just being you. I want to reach thru the computer and just hug you like crazy. You keep going, and you never stop, and you're still damn funny about it all.
Sigh. You are my hero.

Stuart Peel said...

I read once that someone who was fighting in WW2 admired the fellow soldiers who actually got scared more than those who didn't. Those were the ones, he argued, that had the real courage. To be able to carry on under those circumstances. Hemingway called it 'Grace under fire' and you my lovely, have it in spades.

Debby said...

Jeanie - LOL! I reckon I'd better slay my own dragons and rescue myself since the knights are not looking out for the like of me!

My eyes are tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Matches the rest of me.

Portia - The furniture was bought a couple years ago. It has a couch, two chairs and a coffee table. I think that it was custom made. I found it in an antique store. Tim took me for a road trip the next day, and surprised me by buying the furniture.

I'm getting used to the wig, I suppose. It still feels strange and startles me when I catch a glimpse of myself. I saw my nephew in a store and said hello. He walked right on past. He didn't recognize me.

Thanks everyone.

Nana Trish is Living the Dream said...

Debby, you are an inspiration! I love your look. It's a good style and please know I am praying that so many things in your life will get better and better. You have big beautiful eyes. You are facing this challenge and I think you are a hero.

Nana Trish is Living the Dream said...

Bush Babe's post is wonderful on courage. You are brave and you share and it helps me. She seems like a sweetie.

Scotty said...

Is it courage? I think so, Debby, and just in case you didn't figure it out, that quote I left at BB's place was for you, you know (*smile*)

And since the wig and the eyes have been mentioned already, I'm just gonna tell ya to stop biting your nails (well, it looks like it in the photo, a bit...)

Bob said...

Of course it's courage! You look great and let me join all the others in saying I would have never guessed that's a wig!

Anonymous said...

from Lavinia:

It looks very natural. I don't like to see that sad look in your eyes though. I do notice that your eyebrows and lashes are all there, and what nice eyebrows and lashes to frame your beautiful eyes.

Oh by the waaaaaayyyyyyyy......I enlarged the first photo and I couldn't help but notice a number of items in your home that belong (or used to belong I guess!) to me and have been 'missing' for a while. And that book, last I heard it was Muse-swings property. Guess "Marly n me" is now Debby's property. And you have the nerve to talk about my credit card misdemeanours. REally, Debby, I mean, well, really! Tee hee!

Debby said...

'Marly' was received last Christmas. It was a gift from my daughter. She's reading it now. The stuff that I 'stole' from you and Muse (stole being a poor choice of words...you owe me after your little vacation with MY credit card), that's all in the spare bedroom. I'm planning some major regifting at Christmas.

PaintedPromise said...

Deb you look gorgeous, love the wig. I'm with Mikey, you are my hero! Catching up with you makes me ashamed that I was whining about being too busy... it was the 73 bales of hay taht did me in, i swear!!!