Monday, December 8, 2008

I Disappoint

There is an elderly lady I know who has been very sick for a very long time, and she has been close to death several times, but always lives to see another day. She never hesitates to give God the glory on Sundays. She's actually quite a marvel, I suppose. Today, when I walked into the Cancer Center, she was there, and she asked me how the chemo was going. I said, "Pretty well, actually." And she fixed me with a look, and she said, "I don't believe you."
*******************
I did not know how to respond to this. Mostly, I think I am doing pretty well with chemo. I mean, I will never consider this a highlight of my life, but I think that I am confronting the challenges well, learning the lessons, seeing the blessings. There are the bad days, but no sense in dwelling on them. I do not want to talk about feeling like crap. I do not want to talk about exhaustion, and blood levels, and shots every day. I know that I look haggard. She stares intently at me, waiting. I fidget a little, and I repeat, "No really, I'm doing good, I think." Disappointed, she turns to another elderly lady, who regales her with the story of her latest hospitalization.

10 comments:

steviewren said...

Bad Debby, don't you know you were there for her entertainment? Sorry you feel bad, but I applaud you for making lemonade.

MuseSwings said...

I'm afraid your lady friend was looking for something a little less up beat than you are. Maybe it's a Monday thing.

nanatrish said...

I've had you on my mind today. I pray for you and enjoy reading your posts.

jeanie said...

Hmmm - what is the pass mark for "okay"? I mean, do you get extra credit for putting on a brave front despite the dragons snapping inside your head, or can you take a pass on that and make it up with a credit in being able to display your ailment?

What the...?

The perfect answer would have been "well, as long as I can believe it".

We are all willing to do so if you put on your "pretty well, actually" response. We know there will be days when the "pretty" part of that statement means you are holding it together with everything you can and there will be days when you emphasize the "actually" bit and we know that you are getting a bit more help - but remember through and through that you are GOOD - even when you are feeling a little expletive deleted jaded, there is the good is flowing through you.

Alison said...

I think maybe, this might be the reason you are doing as good as you are...
Love and fighting vibes coming your way Deb :)

Reddunappy said...

The treatment waiting rooms are strange places. I always found it surreal, either the people want to talk your head off and find out everything, or they dont talk at all and are in and out in thier alloted time. I havnt had chemo, but went through thiry days of radiation. Keep up the fight and the good spirits, and keep hanging on. sounds like you are a strong person.

Portia said...

At some point it seems the elderly lose their ability to discuss things other than their physical problems or those of their friends. My MIL has had or had a friend who had just about everything medical related.

You are doing pretty well even if it doesn't make for the conversation she wanted.

Bush Babe said...

Ah, some more rich fodder for this great book you are soon to be writing Deb!! Fabulous...

Poor woman... you are just putting up too good a front obviously. Perhaps you should just throw up in her lap next time you see her. Keep her happy!!
:-)
BB

PS Jokes aside, hope you get to stop treading water and have a reprieve from the sickness soon!

Hal Johnson said...

Some folks just don't get it. She didn't get it. Good for you Debby. Keep your chin up and don't worry about folks who want sad stories for their own entertainment.

Cimba7200 said...

Hi Debbie. I have just discovered your blog. I am sorry to learn of your illness, but I want to thank you for your sense of humour and positive attitude to keep on producing entertaining blogs. I enjoyed your jokes and the shadow show. I will keep in touch. - Dave