The kids' grandfather has just moved back to the eastern half of the country. We reconnected. He's recently widowed, and lonely, I think. Starting all over again. Tentative reaching outs were encouraged, and this weekend, he'll be circling through for a visit. I passed this word on to Cara who announced that this weekend might be just the time for her to bring 'her friend' home to meet the family. I think that her grandfather was shocked by her generous and open heart, grateful for the 'no-questions-asked, pleased-to-meetcha' response. Plans are firmed up, and I am looking forward to the weekend. Dylan cannot make it home because he will be headed home in just a few days, for Thanksgiving break (five whole days with my boy!) but Dylan will be able visit with his grandfather at Christmas time in Michigan.
Suddenly, I'm all agog at how close the holidays are, and the unplanned 'meeting of the friend' which must be done up nicely, and so I went into 'mom' mode, and sent an e-mail out to family members letting them know what was happening and inviting them to stop in for good food and a nice visit. I began to plan a casual buffet. I realized that Tim was getting a little ornery. He's quiet, but I can always tell when I've provoked him because
So I'm gaily making my plans, and in the middle of this,
I notice that Tim is sniffing.
So I said, "What?"
He said, "Nothing,"
but made sure to give me a look that insured that I knew it was something. And then he went out to the garage to beat on a car engine for a while. When, he came back in, he stood at the door pulling off his boots.
He sniffed a couple times.
I said, "What's wrong?" a couple more times.
Then he finally came out with it. I wasn't supposed to be around a lot of crowds especially crowds that included kidlets (who are never fastidious in the matter of personal hygiene), and I had just sent out a mass e-mail. He was grumpy about it, and he was also right. I had simply forgotten. I had to shoot out a second e-mail to say,
'Um. Sorry. Never mind.'
So, I've been thinking all night. It's going to be a quiet holiday season here. It usually is. I'm estranged from the bulk of my family. Tim and I celebrate with the rest of the people who don't fit... and really, we're a nice enough group, as far as misfits go. We're also an evergrowing crowd, which is comforting. It doesn't appear to be long before the misfits have a bigger bash than the 'family-in-good-standing'. This year, our options are limited. I'm realizing that this year, it's not a choice. We're celebrating quietly because we have to. I've no idea why this should bother me, but it does. I lay awake in the night thinking about it while Tim snores comfortably.
It bothers me so much that I finally get up to take a couple Tylenol PMs. I've also managed to twist my foot on the way to the mailbox today, and that pain is keeping me wide awake in addition to my busy mind.
Can I possibly make things worse?
(in case you're waiting with bated breath)
No. This sucks.