Friday, November 28, 2008

Hair

I couldn't bring myself to cut my hair until I knew for sure I'd lose it. Even though I'd been told that I would. And when it hung on a little longer than I thought, I'd begun to think that maybe it would be different, that my hair wouldn't fall out after all. The day before Thanksgiving, I lost a lot of it in the shower. For the last day, I styled my hair as usual. Thanksgiving morning, before I hopped in the shower, I cut my hair off. Yesterday, I wore my wig for the first time.
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I guess that I can honestly say it was a big wad of emotional angst over something that turned out to be simply a thing that you do because it's what needs doing. I did not cry. I did not grieve. I wished that I wasn't losing my hair, but I was, so I cut it. I studied myself in the mirror, thinking about the fact that 8 years ago, on Thanksgiving day 2000, my dad died of cancer. And then I put on my wig.

9 comments:

Redlefty said...

What is it with Thanksgiving? Weird circle of life stuff. My daughter was born on Thanksgiving (Nov. 28 that year) and then the fatal shooting I stumbled upon was the same day four years later.

Glad you'll still be here to see the day after Thanksgiving again this year. I hope you get many more.

Bush Babe said...

Well said. You are a brave and wise woman.
Are you going to post a pic of the wig??
Heh.
Hugs
BB

steviewren said...

Debbie, I've got no appropriate words, instead I'm sending a hug.

rhubarbwhine said...

Such lessons you are teaching me, through these posts. I wish there was a less painful way for me to learn from you. x

Hal Johnson said...

Debby, it seems the hair thing was a little anticlimactic. I'm glad.

Stevyn Colgan said...

Debby - Does this mean that, as an unexpected benefit, you have incredibly smooth and silky legs now? You know me ... always look for the positive! xx

Debby said...

Hal, you are correct. Like so many other 'beasts' that I have dealt with in my life, the fretting about it was worse than the actuality of it.

Stevyn, twisted minds do think alike. Although the leg thing didn't cross my mind, I did find myself thinking, 'Well, thank goodness for the respite from waxing my mustache and stray chin hairs...'

Redlefty, it is indeed strange. Was your daughter born in 2000? I do love the circle of life. I like the idea that no matter what happens to me, personally, this big old world will keep on turning.

Rhu, Stevie, BB - it's a learning experience. I'm okay with it, really. I've always coveted wisdom, and I'm trying to be wise. Everything will be okay.

Lavinia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lavinia said...

I hope the wig is at least comfortable. I saw a lady in the subway yesterday with the absolutely perfect shade of red-brown hair that I have always coveted. No gold in it, instead, those lovely ashy tones I so crave (and cannot no matter how I try, achieve with hair colouring). I just kept staring, transfixed, and then I thought, it must be a wig. Nature would not be so unfair as to bestow on this woman--and not me!-- the most perfect shade of hair. That is how I consoled myself. Who knows if it was a wig, it certainly looked real and I'm sure no one could tell the difference. I must have stared at that head for 10 minutes straight! I hope your wig looks good!

---Oops I deleted my earlier comment due to grammatical atrocity!