Sunday, September 28, 2008

Update

Thanks for all of your kind words. I appreciate it. It's been an odd weekend here as I digest these things. I am not fearful. I go through the motions of life. We worked on the house Saturday, I spent the afternoon with Cara who was home from college. She is hysterically funny, and a wonderful distraction. We surprised my sister and brother in law with a truck load of firewood. Stacey left for Korea this afternoon. We shall not see her for a year, most likely. I went to church this morning. I taught Sunday school like I always do. On the surface, everything went on, just as it always has.
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But this afternoon, I also called two aunts. One on my father's side, who has leukemia. The other on my mother's side. She had colon cancer two years ago. She had cervical cancer at 44. I figured that of anyone, they'd know the family's cancer history, since they'd already recited that information for their own medical records. Being estranged from most of my family, I do not know this stuff. This weekend I researched and discovered that, depending on which articles you read, 3 in every 4 breast lumps are benign. Or 4 out of 5, according to another. This is encouraging. Reading the information on the various lumps was not so comforting, as I can rule out two of the benign situations right away. My aunts tell me that I need to get an advocate/counsellor, and want to provide me with names. I say to them, "No, goodness, no, not yet. It is just a time to collect data, analyze things." I can't bring myself to start thinking along those lines yet. There's no reason to. But for all of my practicality, I found myself laying awake in bed last night. Not afraid. Just thinking. And when I rolled over, my half awake husband rolled with me, as usual. Also as usual, his hand was cupping my breast. Suddenly, I felt his hand stop, and then it moved away, to rest at my waist.
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It is way too early to say the word. But there have been a lot of long leaning hugs this weekend, the kind where you rest your head on his shoulder, the kind where he rubs his bristle-y cheek against your hair. And we do not speak.

15 comments:

Pencil Writer said...

My prayers are with you--along with many others. Do keep us posted. And continue to keep your balance.

Bush Babe (of Granite Glen) said...

Hugs to Tim too... Fear not, you are among friends. And a wonderful man is a potent weapon to have on hand.

To completely change the subject ... DAMN girl but you write beautifully.

:-)
BB

Fastfingers said...

Debby, just got here, just heard the news. I'm REALLY sorry, but as you say, most of these things turn out to be nothing at all. It could just be a cyst - at our age our bodies go a bit ga-ga sometimes. Even so, get yer hugs where you can, no point wasting those :-)

My thoughts are with you, my fingers are crossed for you. I'm sure it will turn out fine.

Debby said...

I accidently deleted Jeanie's comment, and now it will not allow me to remoderate. *sigh*

Jeanie said,

Its hard to broach the subject even when you do know - that elephant in your b-cup.

Lots of hugs and what wonderful people, surprising others with firewood.

My response? It is a c cup Jeanie. Does this make for a larger elephant? Just curious. :^D

Debby said...

Oh, and FF? Did ya see me waving wildly when you flew over Pennsylvania? Didja? Didja? Sounds like you had a wonderful trip, and I laughed while reading your adventures. Thanks to you and Hubs for stopping by!

Scotty said...

Have to admit I'm kinda lost for words at the moment...

Lavinia said...

Hang in there Debby....lots of us are rooting for you here...

MuseSwings said...

I've come over with a pot of tea to share with you and Lavinia. Investigating is good! And should you need them - all good treatment centers include everything you need for body and soul these days, so you don't have to be signing up with your Auntie's couselor. Those long leaning hugs are the best, aren't they? No words are ever necessary. The hug says it all. Everyone above and below my comment is leaning in for a hug now too - hugs all around!

Anonymous said...

Yes. I send hugs and well-wishes from across the ocean. For you and your family. Take care, DavidM

Portia said...

The hug does the speaking when there are no words.

My thoughts are with you. I've been there and it turned out to be calcifications.

Hang in there!

jeanie said...

Deb - thinking of you today (its the 30th) and sending you as many good e-vibes as is legal!

steviewren said...

Hugs from me too!

rhubarbwhine said...

Oh crap. Thinking of you through this, Debby, and crossing everything that I can, from my toes, fingers and legs, to hair follicles.

Debby said...

Rhubarb: Uncross your hair follicles. It will be a bitch to comb the knots from your hair later! :^D

Everyone else - Thanks for the well wishes and the hugs, and the virtual tea and the cyber flowers, etc. This is a strange time. I am married to a practical man. I am fairly practical about things myself. In all our practical natures, we had an argument. A stupid one. We went to buy drywall and I was walking in my own little world toward the store. I had come around the back of the truck and headed off, not realizing that he was waiting at the front of the truck for me. "What's the matter? You can't walk with me?" he asked. I responded with "You know, Tim, I didn't notice you. I apologize, but you may not have noticed that I'm a little distracted today." and it disintigrated rapidly to tears (me) and raised eyebrows (him) and impatient words (both of us). Hisses of 'insensitive ass', and 'over reacting' which I promptly responded to with 'under reacting'. Oh. Marriage. The fun never ends! So I came home, poured myself some wine, pulling out the proper glassware, even. I went to bed early, and laid awake in the dark.

PaintedPromise said...

DAMN it i have been busy and not checking and look what happens... i am SO SORRY it has been quiet from my neck of the woods, Deb you are so important to me and i would not have ignored this for the world... it will not happen again!

and oh yeah, i KNOW those hugs... aren't they somethin'