Tuesday, August 26, 2008

A Day to Myself

My foot and I will visit the doctor today. I'm having trouble getting a boot on, although the thing does not hurt nearly as much as it did over the weekend. I've noticed that the more I'm on it, the the more it begins to trouble me. I'm a stoic, and tend to ignore things like this, but I've decided that I need to at least get a tetanus shot, and it would be good for it to be checked out. I really can't afford to have it become infected. That would knock me on my ass for a while, and I don't have a while to sit around and recuperate. So I'm taking a sick day.
There's something else as well. I need a day to myself. I hunger for a day to myself. I've moved my sister into her new life. I've moved Cara into her new life. Other lives internect with your own, so all of their changes have affected my life. In a very real way, I'm beginning a new life as well. In the midst of this, there is Brianna. There is work. These two things lead me to a new place in my faith: I've had to take a deep breath and turn them over to God, trusting that they will work out as they're meant to work out. This means that I have to turn Brianna and my own hopes and dreams for her over to God. His will be done. I love her dearly, but she's walking a path I cannot know. I will trust her. I will trust God. I love my job too, but my own hopes and dreams are not the issue here. God's plan is. So I let go of my own desires. That, too, will work out as it is meant to work out. And so I go, stumbling my way through my days, waiting for things to come clear, looking for the joys that make a life. They are there. In the midst of this frustrating time, there are joys, lots of them, and I treasure them, perhaps even more than I would in less challenging times. But I am just so everlastingly weary. I am just discouraged. I am tired, my foot aches, I can't think of the words to say, I can't think of the words to pray. I'm about worked out, between the job, between the things of life, between the home renovations. I'm burnt out, with no opportunity for recreation.
So today, I am taking a day to myself. I will visit my doctor for a tetanus shot, possibly antibiotics, although it does seem that the foot is not so swollen (although wearing a boot is out of the question). I will take it easy. I will read a book. I will catch up. I will breathe, and think, and count my many, many blessings. I'm going to take a nap today. Maybe I will find words again, words to say, words to pray. My friend Karen sent me an e-mail. "The front porch is open," she said. Maybe today, I will take advantage of that.


rhubarbwhine said...

Good, take that foot to the doctor. I am glad you are going, but not glad for the foot pain.
Did I tell you that I was impressed seeing your photo? I was - and I am. You look great!

Debby said...

Actually, this post was written yesterday morning. (I knew that it was going to be a busy week, so I set my posts up for the week.) I made the appointment, but before I could get there, I could actually feel the infection moving in. It was strange. I thought of the very old times, when people got minor infections, and succumbed quickly - George Washington got a sore throat and was dead in days, etc. By the time that I got home with the antibiotic, I was exhausted and sick. So I took a nap directly after the antibiotic. I'm better today. Thank goodness for antibiotics.

Hal Johnson said...

Get better, and try to enjoy your downtime.

Pencil Writer said...

Good for you. Get better. Feel better. Take a break--you need one.

Redlefty said...

Here's an idea on prayer -- Jesus was noted to have prayed "all night" or for many hours. Do you think he talked the whole time?

Perhaps the things we call meditation, contemplation or even just quite time to ourselves are actually prayer too!

Hope your quiet day provides just what you need.

Scotty said...

All of us need some 'me' time every now and then; being someone else's rock or soft place to fall all the time simply means that we end up with stress fractures or more grooves and hollows than an old mattress with sagging springs.

I enjoy being that rock or that soft place to fall but I also need to enjoy being able to be it; this requires me to have my own recharge time occasionally. I'm not afraid to take it when I think it's needed, not afraid to insist that it's needed well before time, and heck no, I will not allow you to make me feel guilty about doing so.


Enjoy your day, Debby.

Lavinia said...

Yes, please take a day for yourself, whatever you want and need, give yourself the allowance for it. Some recharging of the batteries....I can relate.....be blessed, dear Debby...