Cara leaves for college in 20 days. If it sounds like I'm counting, you're probably right. She is too. This has been a horrible summer. She's an adult, she keeps telling us. Her life consists of work, running with her friends, and sleeping. She does not help willingly, but grudgingly does what is asked of her. If we get frustrated with her, it is our fault. We've asked repeatedly that she leave a work schedule on the refrigerator, so we can keep track of where she is, and whether she's eating supper with us. Last night, after two days of being unable to reach her by cell phone (she had my debit card), she came home at 11:00. There were words about her inconsiderate behavior, a reiteration of what was expected of her. She was rude. In a rush of bitterness, she told me that I was selfish and only thought of myself. I told her that was not the truth. She told me it was. And then she left the house 'because she was very pissed at me right now'. You know, it has happened with every single kid. Right before they bust out of the house, they become unbearable. Recognizing the pattern does not make it easier to swallow.
Do you suppose this is how we all deal with the looming life change? Is it part of our own protective nature, when a separation looms, that we become critical of each other, as if to say, in effect, 'hey, I'm not sad I'm going because you suck!' ?
I don't know.
I just never expected it to happen with Cara.
She's at her friend's house, and she may be back. She may not. I don't know. She's 'very pissed at me right now'. Although I cried myself to sleep last night, I've got to be honest. In the middle of all that sadness, I'm very pissed at her right now, too.