Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Worn Jeans

The very best jeans are the ones that you've had forever, and they are worn, and they are soft. They are comfortable, allowing you to stride through the underbrush. The perfect color of blue. Yesterday, I was squatting with an armload of equipment, while scanning the water surface for signs of larva, when I felt the unmistakeable sensation of my jeans splitting right across my right cheek area. All the way. I usually wear my jeans until they can't be worn any longer, but this time, I had no choice...I had to wear these just a little bit longer than that.
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My brother-in-law tells his worn jean story: Years ago, he was working with a tractor, digging a hole with a post hole digger attachment. He jumped on top of the post hole digger. The leg of his blue jeans got caught in the power take off, and there was a brief horrifying moment where he realized that this is exactly how people lose limbs. Just that quick, those very worn blue jeans gave way, and they were ripped right off his body, leaving him standing there, shocked, naked from the waist down, in the middle of his small town, save for the waist band of his jeans held securely by his leather belt. The postmistress stared wide eyed from across the street. His co-worker went into action, doing what any good friend would do...immediately bursting into loud laughter. Dave, struggling to cover up the more private bits with his hands, said, "Give me a coat or something!" His friend, still laughing, made sure to throw it high, so that Dave's arms had to go up, to catch it. (What are friends for?) Like I said, Dave and Anna live in a small town. It made the paper. The post mistress likes to write.

9 comments:

steviewren said...

That's why mama says not to go commando, huh? Too funny. Thanks for letting me start my day with a laugh!

rhubarbwhine said...

Oh, that's gorgeous. Great story, gave me a chuckle :) Thanks. Heh...

Hal Johnson said...

Ha! Dave's friend sounds like most of my coworkers.

Back in the eighties, I was walking out of the gym when an attractive gal grabbed my elbow and said, "Excuse me." When I looked at her, she had a big smile. I was single then, and I thought she was about to ask me out for coffee or somethin'. Yee haw, it was my lucky day! Then she said, "Your sweatpants are split up the middle. You're showing your butt."

I never liked jockstraps anyway. After that, I wore real underwear to the gym. It was kinda hard to walk back in there a couple of days later.

Hal Johnson said...

Oh yeah Debby . . .

You should really take the ol' male ego more into account when describing the male anatomy. I mean, private bits? I'd more more embarrassed by that description than by the postmistress seeing me naked.

But then, hey, maybe Dave is more secure than yours truly.

debby said...

Hal: Oh, too funny. I actually don't think Dave give a rat's patooty how his sister-in-law describes his unseens. He would care a lot more how his wife describes what she HAS seen. That's what I think, anyhow.

Mary Paddock said...

So did you back all the way to the truck? Grab some tree branches and fashion a quick skirt? Or do the casual thing and just stroll on back the way you came with your hand resting on your hip?

:)

debby said...

Lower cheek, upper thigh. I figured that if I stood straight, no one would notice, since my pants are not tight, anyways. I work by myself, so I didn't worry about it. I can only offend my own sensibilities.

jeanie said...

Deb - people pay EXTRA for strategically placed rips!

debby said...

Jeanie - want to buy a pair of jeans?