Bush Babe, a while back, wondered if I was ever going to post a picture of myself. Um. Well. No. I hadn't planned to. But fair's fair. I've gotten glimpses into the lives of all of you, and it is only fair that you should get a glimpse of me. It's just that I'm extraordinarily self conscious. I get so self conscious that I have never, in my life, taken a good picture. Ever. Well. Once I thought that I did. I was having a good hair day, and I thought to myself, "Self...you need to have your photo taken for your driver's license. You are also having a good hair day. Never again with the stars align in this way. You'd best heist your hinder down to the Department of Motor Vehicles and get your picture taken ASAP."
And so I did.
And when I viewed the picture, well, it was okay. Not good. I mean it was still me. But it was okay. The nice DMV lady told me that it would be mailed to me within the month. Out the door I went. In the meantime, I was kind of excited. I told people: "You know, I didn't think it was possible, but I am going to have a nice photo on my driver's license." They all gasped in awe. They had heard that good driver's license photos were possible, but they had never actually seen a driver's license with a good picture, so everyone was anxious to see this marvel.
When the driver's license arrived, I tore it open confidently. I had already viewed the picture after all. But there it was. The worst driver's license photo I'd ever had. There was a flaw in the film and it looked as if I had a giant booger hanging out of my nose. This sort of sums up how it works when I am in front of the camera. I don't know why this is, but it's a fact, and it has always been like this. And so I avoid the camera.
Today, however, I decided to suck it up. Cara is home from her trip, and so I asked her to take a picture of me today. And she began to critique. "Why do you hold your head like that?" and "Just smile normally." and "Stand here" and "Turn like this" and "I swear, every time somebody points a camera at you, you get the stupidest look on your face..." After one shot, I said, "Forget it" and then she followed me around taking pictures of me while I yelled at her to put the camera away.
I'll get her to take a quick photo tomorrow when she's not in a rush, and will listen to me when I say, "Just take the damn picture and gimme the camera!" Nothing worse than artsy-fartsy photographers. And curious Australians. Those two things are the worst. Nearly as bad as my pictures,