Thursday, July 3, 2008

Begin Again

I talked to Dylan yesterday. He didn't sound happy. He's not the kind to sit on the phone discussing his feelings with his mother. It may have been the root canal. He'd just left the dentist office just shortly before I called. He was not happy about the fact that the anaesthetic was wearing off and, contrary to the dentist's claims, he was feeling pain. He's not much into feeling pain. To make matters worse, he's an electrician and his plant is on shutdown. All the maintenance folks use this down time to make repairs and put in new equipment. Attendence is mandatory. They work long hours. The pay is good, but money does not mean much when your mouth is killing you. So, maybe that was it. I'll talk to him later, when he's not so ornery. I'm concerned about him. He's a stable and steady man. He'll work himself to death. I'm always telling him to make sure that he leaves himself time to make a life. I'm also always telling him, "Well, Dylan, if you aren't happy where you're at, you have a trade that will let you go anywhere you want." But Dylan doesn't want to start over again. He's seen the chaos of our family, a mother packing her family up and heading back to what she knew to begin again. He's seen his older sister begin again, and begin again, and begin again, on and on, ad infinitum. Dylan is a smart boy, and he knows a lot, but I find myself wondering if he understands that a new beginning doesn't always mean that you've failed.

7 comments:

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

I think your words sink in, on some level....I hope they do.

I know that localized pain can be so debilitating, and something about mouth pain just saps you totally.

Pencil Writer said...

ooooooooooohhhhhhhhh. Owie, owie, owie. Dylan has my TOTAL empathy. I've had two major root canals done within six weeks of each other. I don't want to bore anyone with all the gorey details, so all I'll say is, "Dylan, I feel, have felt and hope to never feel your pain again." (Though I most likely will be forced to do so in the future.) It is not a happy time, but it will improve with time--and endurance. Best wishes to you, Dylan. And Mom, Deb. Hugs to you both.

PaintedPromise said...

poor Dylan... i HATE the dentist! i need to go but keep putting it off...

and how did you knwo that i also needed to hear that a new beginning doesn't mean that you've failed? i tell myself that but when i tell myself, i don't believe it ... so it was good to hear it from someone i admire so much :) even if she is not "the sharpest knife in the drawer" LOL sorry couldn't resist Debby - you know i love you, chocolate soup and all!!

debby said...

Yep. I do Susan. I really think we're kindred spirits, and the blog entry things...it really does amaze me how I'll be pondering something in my pointy little head, and find it addressed on somebody else's blogs. Maybe we're ALL kindred spirits!

I only have had one root canal, PW, and it did not hurt at all. Strangely. I've often wondered if I have some freakishly high threshold of pain.

Lavinia, you can just never tell with kids.

steviewren said...

Debby, I've had 4 root canals and I agree with you. For me the pain was before the root canal, when the abscessed tooth was still in my mouth. It really is about the person's threshold of pain. Your son's threshold may be low in more than the physical way and that might be what makes him stay with the pain he knows rather than risk even more with change. Hope he figures it out.

Redlefty said...

What's his other trade, if you don't mind my asking?

debby said...

He's got a degree in electro-mechanic maintenance with a special fondness for programmable logic controls. He's just got the one trade, but really, he could go anywhere to get a job, if he were so inclined.

Just to be clear, he's not unhappy. He's way too full of life for that. He just strikes me as restless and dissatisfied, casting long looks in other directions. I had that same itch, and I'd like to see him do what he wants to do.