Friday, June 20, 2008


Lavinia tagged anyone who read her entries. Six unimportant things about myself. Trivial details. Man. There are so many. How the heck do you winnow it down to just six?

How about these:

I grew up in the country. We scarcely ever wore shoes in the summer because we never went anywhere.

I get seasick. Even in a canoe. I have never been on a boat without puking. Never. Which really made the ex mad. He liked his boat. I never once went on this boat. Puking is not one of my favorite things to do, and I avoid things that make me puke.

I was a juror in a federal case that nearly got declared a mistrial. One of the jurors was racist. After a very disturbing conversation and a very sleepless night, I finally decided that I had to tell. The judge let the black defendent (he was acting as his own attorney) decide what to do. He decided to settle for having the juror removed. Wise move. He'd confessed during his opening statements on the first day, so it really was moot. But the trial was being covered by television crews, and I was afraid this juror would say something just as shocking to one of the camera toters that would make all the jurors look bad. This was a hugely stupid Italian woman.

I once got sprayed by a skunk. I was trapping porcupines at Ft. Drum. It was part of my job. The porcupines were eating the buildings on the firing ranges. It was a Friday, and a trap that had nothing in it all week was my last trap pick up. I was running across the field (in those days, I ran just about everywhere), and I went to leap into the ditch where the trap was. I looked down, and there was a skunk in the trap. Unlike cartoons, you cannot turn around and run back in mid-air. I landed beside it with a ungraceful thud, and got blasted. It was awful. Everytime I broke a sweat for days after, people would sniff and say, "Do you smell skunk?" Shower after shower after shower. Each time I thought that I had the problem solved, I'd be in a crowd and someone would say, "Jees. I keep thinking I smell skunk..."

I once pinned a man with a gun at a bowling alley in Baltimore, Maryland. I had watched him, for no reason that I could see, wallop a man in the back of the head so hard his tooth flew out. The man went down like a rock. An immediate riot broke out. He raised a chair to hit someone else. I sailed across the snack bar (7 months pregnant, no less), and pushed him backwards against the back of the chairs in the pits. The only thing I can think of is that I had him pushed backwards enough so that he could not get a proper footing. (The chairs hit right at the back of his knees.) The chair was over his head. And we were stuck there. He kept saying, "Get back. Let me go." I kept saying, "No. I can't do that." The DJ caught sight and came over saying, "So, Momma, want me to take over?" And I said, "Yes" and so he did. Then I got the shakes, and I cried. I tend to not think before I act. Later when the police came, the man had a gun in his pocket. I got Employee of the Month.
Woo hoo.

I smoked, on and off through the years. I watched my dad die of lung cancer in 2000, on Thanksgiving Day. I quit. I haven't smoked since. Never been tempted. My dad's dying was the worst dying I'd ever seen in my life. He suffocated over the course of two days. He suffered terribly, and it was unbearable to watch. I never wanted to see my children looking at each other the way that my brother and my sisters looked at each other across my dad's dying body. I get a little sickish even smelling cigarettes. My mother thinks I'm over dramatic. My brother still smokes like a fiend.
He says, "Anyone can quit smoking. It takes a real man to die of lung cancer."
My brother is a dipwad.

There you have it. 6 unimportant facts about me.


mikey said...

Wow! See, I knew you had some stories in there!! 7 months preggers, tackling crazy people. You are amazing!
I also wanted to say.. the last part really touched me. My dad died in 1997, from lung cancer, on Thanksgiving Day. Know how you feel.

Bush Babe (of Granite Glen) said...

Holey Moley Deb... they sound like six fairly formative things to me... clearly my life has been boring!!!! Only thing I have in common is the "no-shoes as a child". Sad about your Dad. A terrible last image to have.

Hugs and salutations...

Rhubarb Whine said...

Great stories! I have been tagged for this too. When I hve time to think, I will do it, I love reading them.

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

Unimportant? Are you kidding me? Wow! Thanks for accepting the tag and sharing these amazing anecdotes of your life with us.

Congratulations on your heroism at the bowling alley...I'm stunned at your courage. Way to go!

Congrats also for quitting smoking...

The jury experience sounds fascinating too.

debby said...

Lavinia: Heroism is a strange word. It usually implies that one thinks before she does something, makes a conscious decision. This was more like, "Dear God, he's going to hit somebody else," and next thing I know, my fat pregnant belly is pressing him back over some chair in the score pit, and I was trying to wrestle the chair away. It was not a conscious thought thing. The jury thing was my act of heroism, I think. I thought it through, and made the moral decision, even though I was nearly sick about it.

Rhubarb Whine: I'm betting that I will be floored by your meme. (Get it...floored?...I made a funny...)

BB - your life, boring? Surely, you jest. (now my mind's off on another tangent...I typed 'surly you jest', and that brought up a different picture altogether)

Mikey, that is so crazy...your dad died of lung cancer on Thanksgiving Day too?!!!! My dad and I were not close. He was a very angry person, and I just won't deal with that. The last time I saw him, he punched me in my face and gave me a bloody nose. I told him I was a grown woman (I was like, 42) and that he needed to find another way to express his anger, and that I wasn't coming back until he could tell me that he had. He told me to 'get the f out, that no one wanted me around anyhow.' I got out. I never saw him again until he was dying. He said told everyone else that he loved them. Me...he said, "I was always on your side." I told him not to worry about it, it didn't matter. But it did, and I still cry every time I think about it. Those were his last words to me, and I'm still not sure what that means. I never felt like he was on my side. I was always pissing him off. I wish that we could have reconciled before he died, but we didn't. I think about that every time I eat turkey.

Redlefty said...

Thanks for sharing, debby. I really appreciate the chance to learn more about you!