Sunday, June 1, 2008


I know that I am going to come off sounding like the most heartless woman on the face of the earth, but I'm compelled to say it anyway.
If I had a daughter who died in a horrible car accident, I would be broken hearted. I cannot imagine the grief, and truth be told, it makes me kind of sickish to think of such a thing.
If my daughter had been driving that car while under the influence of drugs, I'd be devastated that I'd missed the warning signs. I'd want to tell other parents.
If it were my child, I'd want all her graduating classmates to know what can happen when you make poor choices.
If I were the brokenhearted parents dealing with the loss of their child, mostly what I would want is for it to make a difference, for her life, for her death to mean something.
If it were me, I'd have to tell the story.
I'd be devastated,
but I could not bear to be silent.
If it were my child.
This said, I can't tell you the number of times that I've dropped my head in thankful prayer, that it wasn't, but the silence from her parents is deafening.
I don't judge them.
Honestly, I don't.
But I wish that they would speak.


Alison said...

When there is a death within the community - a loss of someone who in our eyes, wasn't ready to go - there is something wrong if this doesn't make others appreciate what they have.

Alison said...

I think I hear what you're saying now :)
Sometimes grief doesn't allow much room for thought, and even less for speech. The parents may never speak in the way that we would like them to - but it is their lesson. The best we can do is take the lessons intended for us and do our best to support those around us.

Pencil Writer said...

Debby, grief and frustration. Understanding comes, hopefully in time, for us all. You are a kind hearted soul. Continue to pray for and be a good example. Sometimes those are the best and only things we can do.

Alison, you are such a wise young woman. You would know! You've had much to deal with and overcome.

debby said...

Alison - you stopped me dead in my tracks. 'It is their lesson'. Yes. It is. It is not my lesson, it is not to be used for my purpose. You are right. I am wrong.

PW - can't talk now...praying.

Hal Johnson said...

You don't come across as heartless, since as you noted, folks react in different ways when faced with tragedy. Men and women tend to deal with such a severe emotional trauma quite differently. That might be a prime reason that the divorce rate in the U.S. for couples who've lost a child is above eighty percent. Whatever that couple ultimately decides to do, I hope they'll for the time being focus their energies on staying together and helping each other to heal.

Pencil Writer said...

Ditto, Hal. Blog friends and acquaintences are so good to broaden our understanding, etc.