Thursday, June 12, 2008

Amazing Moment in Motherhood

I read another blogger's post on teenage sexuality and the blame mentality. The 12 year old girl got pregnant and she blamed her school for not educating her. The blogger wondered about the responsibility of the girl's parents in this situation, about the responsibility of the teenagers.
I remember the day when I went into Dylan's room to gather laundry from his floor. I pulled his wallet out of his pants pocket and set it on his dresser and was halfway out the door before it struck me: What was the circle embossed in the leather? I dropped the laundry in the hall and went back in. I worried about violating his privacy, but then thought, "If this is what I think it is, Dylan and I need to have a talk." So I went right ahead and violated that privacy and found exactly what I thought I would find and was hoping that I wouldn't. And I flopped down on the bed with that Trojan in one hand and his wallet in the other.
The first thing I did was mentally curse his father for not being there to have that conversation. But then I resolutely began to rehearse everything that I wanted to say, beginning with teenage pregnancy, ending with my idea that no teenage girl feels better about herself after she has sex with a boy and the relationship ends, about his responsibilities to this girl, about being honorable, all of it. And once I was sure of everything that I wanted to say, I headed out to the garage where he was working on his truck.
I said, "Dylan, come out from under that truck. We need to talk." which was all right, a good strong beginning. But then, to my horror, and to his embarrassed hysteria, the very next words out of my mouth were "Before you think about having sex, I want you to think long and hard..." There was an unforgettable moment in motherhood, all right. I think we were both traumatized that day.


Alison said...

That has to be one of the BEST sex education conversation starters I've ever heard!!!
LOL! - I am wiping tears from my eyes here...

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

Debby I commend you on your straightforward approach to this most difficult and delicate of conversations........if only all mothers would speak to their sons about the responsibilities and cautions regarding embarking on those activities...

Mary Paddock said...

LOL. What an opening.

But after that everything else you had to say was easy, right? :)

debby said...

It was awful. I learned a valuable life lesson. Practice what you want to say out loud. I'd been going over it in my mind, and I was so focused on what I wanted to say that I missed it. The strange thing is as soon as I said started speaking, as soon as the words left my mouth, he snorted, I immediately realized why, and it made the rest of the talk even harder because he was trying not to laugh and it was irritating me, because I was imparting important information. He still refers to it as the single most embarrassing mom moment ever. I cried because I botched it. That conversation was nearly 5 years ago, and he has not had a steady girlfriend since. I feel responsible for that, as well.