Monday, May 12, 2008

Catching up on e-mails...

You all are going to think that I'm crazy doing yet another post. I'm still catching up on e-mails, and laughed myself stupid over this one. Too funny not to share. Mine never pulled this one, but oh, don't they all just have their moments? Best to laugh...wringing their necks is still not an option in most civilized countries.
This mother's story is called 'Chapstick'.
We had this great 10-year-old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat, and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on the mat in our bathroom.We have three kids, and at the time of this story, they were 4 years old, 3 years old, and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loved Chapstick. LOVED it. He kept asking to use my Chapstick and then would lose it. Finally one day I showed him where I keep my Chapstick and explained he could use it whenever he wanted to, but he needed to put it right back in the bathroom drawer after he finished.
That year on Mother's Day, we were having the typical rush-around and trying to get ready for church, with everyone crying and carrying on. My two boys were fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I was trying to nurse my little one at the same time I was putting on my make-up. Everything was a mess, and everyone had long forgotten that this was a wonderful day to honor me and the amazing job that is motherhood. We finally had the older one and the baby loaded in the car and I was looking for Eli. I searched everywhere and I finally went into the bathroom. There was Eli. He was applying my Chapstick very carefully to Jack's ... rear end. Eli looked right into my eyes and said, "Chapped." Now if you have a cat, you know that he is right -- their little bottoms do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn't seem to mind. The only question to ask at that point was whether it was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat's behind or the hundredth!?!
And THAT is my favorite Mother's Day moment ever because it reminds us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they've been using your Chapstick on the cat's butt.


Bush Babe (of Granite Glen) said...

Dear Lord... I knew there was a good reason I kept that Blistex up high!!!

Lavinia Ladyslipper said...

I am laughing out loud!!!

That is the funniest Mother's day story I have ever heard!

Too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

alice said...

My chapsticks are all being replaced tomorrow. I wonder if that's why the cat runs off whenever someone opens a drawer?

Great story, well written.

debby said...

Gotta tell you, this story made me gag. My shrieks would have still been lingering to this very day.

Probably the very worst thing to happen under our roof: Dylan was a boy who liked 'chew'. I once had to drive his car to work, for whatever reason, I forget. So I gingerly drove his prized Camaro to work, and safely back home. I gathered my work stuff and my pop bottle from the holder, and wearily went inside the house (I worked third shift). I put my pop away in the fridge, and brushed my teeth and fell into bed. The next thing I know, I've got the maddest Tim I've ever seen in our bedroom yelling me awake. Turned out, that in my half awake state, I neglected to remember that I didn't have a pop bottle to bring in. I'd put a 'spit' bottle in the fridge. Tim had taken a swig. Man. Yeah. The fecal material hit the rotary oscillator that day.

steviewren said...

Debby, I can't decide which to do, laugh or gag!

I am shuddering at both of those stories!

Redlefty said...

Nasty. And hilarious!

Mikey said...


debby said...

Man. I can't believe I made Mikey scream....