My friend, Laura showed me a quote: You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
Eleanor Roosevelt said that.
I am doing a job in which I feel woefully inadequate. I've been working on four major projects since the first of the year, and stressing greatly about them. One of them was done on the last day of February. Another was done a week later. In the midst of those preparations, I have been doing other smaller projects, most of the projects also shorter trips into places I've never been before. It's been hectic and worrisome. I wake up in the night to fret. But as I tick these projects off my list, one by one, I'm discovering that I have quite a few successes, despite all of my fears and misgivings. And the (blessedly) isolated things that are not glowing successes are the very things that I learn my greatest lessons from. I'm learning to organize, and to delegate, to curb my impulsive tongue and be tactful, to think logically even (especially?) when I'm most frustrated. My boss, Heather, has great confidence in me, and I work all the harder because of it. I could not bear to let her down. My co-workers give me honest feedback and seem to think as much of me as I think of them. All these things make the tough times bearable.
With each project I complete, I do breathe a sigh of relief, and I find myself looking at the next project a little less fearfully. It seems odd to think that I am learning my greatest life lessons during the second half of that life.