I spent nearly 1 1/2 hours on the phone today, trying to sort out our telephone situation with Verizon. I talked to a woman in India who asked me to verify my billing infomation, and then repeated it back to me again. She asked me if I were Timothy. "No," I answered. "Well, she wondered, "are you authorized to make decisions in his name?" I was starting to get ornery and this always sparks a sarcastic inner voice in me. The inner voice snarled, "Hell, yeah, I can make decisions in his name. I've decided that he can't sleep with Shania Twain and so he doesn't." Outloud, I simply assured her that I could. This woman patiently listened to the problem, parroted what I said, but lo, there was no resolution. She saw the problem, but could not help me, and transfered me to the fellow who could. That fellow verified all my billing information again and then asked if I were authorized to make decisions in his name. My inner voice bellowed, "By gosh, when I told him that he was not buying a Mazzerati, that was that. I've got real authority, bub." But again, all I said was "Yes. I can make decisions." And explained the whole flipping thing again. And he explained to me that I needed to call another number. I called that number and for the third time verified all the billing information, and assured him yet again that although I was NOT Timothy, I was authorized to make decisions in his name
(*&^%$$%^!!!!!!) And this man explained that I was speaking to a premium operator. I was not authorized to speak with a premium operator. There was an extra charge to speak to the PREMIUM OPERATOR. I had not paid for premium service. I thought of all the times Verizon had assured us that we were valuable customers. Verizon lies.
I used to be a customer service person. I hated to speak to angry customers. Now I was one. "Listen, " I seethed. "I'm pretty mad right now, and want to kick somebody's ass. Unfortunately, the only one here is my dog, and I'm really quite fond of my dog. I'm not mad at you, but I'm telling you right here and now.....my phone service has been screwed up since February 20th, and we are going to resolve the situation right here and now, or we're getting a new phone company. I'm trying to be as nice as I can. Now why don't you tell me what you're going to do to solve this problem for me."
I was on hold for 25 (TWENTY FIVE!) more minutes. Finally an operator came on. He sounded as if he were from India. He verified my billing information again. I spelled my name. He spelled it back, incorrectly. He wondered if I had permission from Timothy to make decisions in his name. I gritted my teeth and assured Verizon (yet again) that I could. And then amidst profuse apologies, he told me that he could not help me. Their computers were down. They could not access the customer information.
Ye gods. I need a good stiff drink.