Saturday, February 23, 2008

Morning has Broken

Now that everyone is talking about their pet peeves, why all of a sudden, I have my number one pet peeve. I don't know why it did not come to me as I was assembling my own list, but this is a very big deal. It should have been number one.
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I am married to Tim, who is nearly perfect in every way. Except for one thing. The man is a morning person. This means that he wakes up in the morning and his brain just kicks into high gear,
and he begins to talk.
In full sentences.
Making plans.
Asking questions.
Thinking out loud.
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Some people may read that and think, "So, just what is so awful about that?" For your own protection, I would suggest that you stay away from me in the morning. Really. I don't think that I could handle more than one of you freaks first thing in the morning.
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I do not fall out of bed ready to face the day, full of energy, bright, cheerful, ready for anything that life has to throw at me.
I mean, generally speaking, I'll get to that point, but not right away.
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My morning starts with Tim's alarm. I pretend to ignore it. He bounces upright and cheerfully sings out, "Time to get up." I love my husband. Truly. It's just that I love him a little better after coffee. He springs from the bed, talking a blue streak, and heads for the shower.
I get up, stumble around, looking for my robe.
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By the time that I'm heading downstairs, he's headed upstairs wrapped in a towel, wet haired, even more wide awake, if such a thing is even possible. I head straight for my coffee pot. I 'dumb around'. I'll spill coffee trying to fill the little cup. This morning I added water twice, over filling it. At some point, Tim is down stairs fixing his morning bowl of cheerios with 1/2 a banana added.
He doesn't drink coffee.
This is probably good.
I can barely stand him in the morning as it is.
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I love my dog but he's a pain in the ass in the morning. He's glad to see me, and jumping around. I put him out. Somewhere along the line I have a cup of coffee in my hands. The dog comes back in and waits for his biscuit. If I don't move quickly enough, he will begin barking. He's a very large dog with a very big bark. I snarl "shut up, BUCK!!!!" He gets a wounded look that does not make me feel really good about myself. Tims do not get a wounded look. Tims are too bright and cheerful in the morning to even notice that you are snarling.
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This morning, Tim was talking on and on. I was sipping my coffee and trying to restrain my not-a-morning self (this 'self' has been known to contemplate homicide, so really, restraining my not-a-morning self is a big priority in my life). At one point, he came to stand behind me, hands on my shoulders, giving me little shakes and squeezes as he talked. My not-a-morning self broke free from her restraints. In a dangerous voice, she said, "DO NOT JOSTLE ME FIRST THING IN THE MORNING, TIM. I AM DEADLY SERIOUS." Tim laughed.
After 10 years, it always amazes me that he has yet to notice I'm not a morning person.
And people think I'm the oblivious one.

4 comments:

jeanie said...

I am fairly much a morning person but I have had enough people grunt at me (and there are those "off" mornings) to know to keep my cheer to myself.

A said...

Thanks for making me laugh :)
(Not at you, of course, not-a-morning person!)
I find it amazing how happy morning people can be so ignorant to the dangers of non morning people. You would think that, being the alert ones, they would be more capable than anyone in spotting the 'Do not Disturb' signs.
I'm a little of both. Definitely not a happy morning person, but with 3 small children and way too many animals to feed I've learned to cope. Auto pilot is a WONDERFUL thing! It is funny watching the children though. Miss J, who is usually the life of the party, is a major grump in the morning. Miss V on the other hand - mornings are her time to shine.

Enjoy your coffee!

debby said...

Jeanie, keeping your cheer to yourself in the morning is a sign that you are class act. Tim: not a class act. Love him, but facts are facts.

A - I ALWAYS enjoy my morning coffee.

Hal Johnson said...

Sheesh, I laughed so hard at this it brought me to tears. And yeah, I'm the morning person in our household. My wife is a wonderful person, but sometimes I'm glad she's not armed in the morning.