Friday, February 15, 2008

Mad

I am trying to remember the last time when I was mad. REALLY mad. It was probably, sadly, at my mother. She has four children. Two of them are perfect. Two of them so deeply flawed that no matter what they do, it cannot make up for their deficient charactors. In case you haven't guessed, I'm one of the flawed children. Listening to my mother going on about her two perfect children (who are not THAT perfect) really pisses off the two flawed children (who are not THAT flawed). Anyways,when I get good and fired up, somebody is going to get a piece of my mind. Confucious say '(Wo)Man quick to give piece of mind soon have no mind left'. So I try to temper my temper, since I don't like the feeling of being mad, and I need to hang on to the mind I've got left.
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Cara is getting the paperwork together to go off to college. She's excited at the thought of being on her own. I'm not going to tell her that she won't really be on her own. All I would get is a piece of HER mind, and college is expensive. She needs to hang on to her mind until she's educated.
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I'm thinking of the latest school shooting. 5 dead, 19 wounded. It makes me sick, just sick. I met the grandparents of one of the Virginia Tech victims last fall. Jeremy belonged to the same professional organization I do, and I had just come from our annual conference where a memorial had been placed for him. It was pure coincidence that I ran into his grandparents just a couple weeks later. I find myself remembering their pain and grieving for the families of these latest victims.
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I struggle within myself to be excited for Cara as she plans her future.
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I still cannot conceive of that level of anger. I don't understand rage deep enough to lash out in a hail of gunfire aimed at anyone, at anything. I've been plenty mad from time to time, but I have
never been that pissed at ANYTHING in my life.
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I'm trying to be excited for Cara. I'm really trying.

4 comments:

Mary Paddock said...

My youngest sister is in college and my mom expressed this worry to me today. I think just sending them off to college by itself is scary enough. It's a shame that this has to be added to the list.

By the way, I'm the oldest of five-the child of a first marriage-and am THE flawed child (Not nearly liberal enough for my hippie mom) so believe me, I know.

jeanie said...

My mother swears that she doesn't really regard me as flawed - but she has to say that, she is the diplomat!

I know so little about the latest shootings, although therapydoc over at http://everyoneneedstherapy.blogspot.com/ has a bit about the mental illness that may be involved?

I don't think I would be comfortable sending my child to anywhere where guns were available to any old joe.

Bush Babe (of Granite Glen) said...

Oh, I feel for you... these things don't happen (touch wood) in Australia - well, except for the Hobart massacre many years ago. Makes me ill at this distance through thinking of the loved ones of those innocent victims. I cannot comprehend such madness - are we failing to arm our kids with the techniques of working through issues when this becomes a solution for them? All parents must wonder - what if? May your Cara be safe and enjoy her opportunity at the big wide world.
Take care
Bush Babe

debby said...

Diplomacy in a mother is not a bad thing Jeanie.

Bush Babe and Jeanie, now you've gotten me thinking. I'll ship her to Australia to go to school. I feel much better. Except for the whole sand goanna thing.

Gun control has long been a sore point with me. I live in the woods, and we have many, many guns. My husband hunts, and we eat game for most part. Still, we need some sort of gun legislation. Saying stuff like that out loud in this country really infuriates. Even quiet Tim feels pretty passionately about his right to bear arms.