My previous marriage was not a good one. As a Christian woman, I felt that it was my duty to endure, and for 12 years I did. I came out of this with no self esteem and a sexually abused daughter. I considered myself to be an involved mother, someone who would instinctively 'know' if her children were needed help. Yet I missed this. It was undeniably huge. I will carry the guilt of my blindness to my grave.
Those days are long gone by. I am strong in myself. I have a good marriage. Tim understands that we are one, but he also understands that we are two, and he never would begrudge me myself. That is why we are married.
My oldest daughter is still marked by the incest, and that healing will be a long time coming. It is an on going process. She is 26. The other children have been marked by these awful times, as well. Dylan is a strong man, but he is opposite of his father in every way. I think that this is subconscious, but I can't be sure, because he will not talk about it.
Cara, God love her, is as passionate in her independence as I have become.
She will not know any other way, and I am glad.
The point of this story is this: I came through a hard and dark time, but I survived because I lived in the western world. My ex went to prison. I was able to raise my children alone. I had to be frugal. I bought their clothes at the best stores I could find...second hand stores. I made good hearty meals from the sale items at the grocery store. We did not live high on the hog, but we lived, we thrived, and we did okay. The kids grew up and learned valuable lessons.
I count my many blessings. There are countries where this success story would not have been possible. If you don't believe me, go to http://www.womenforwomen.org/sfcongo.htm
Today, I sponsored a sister. I hope that you will look at the many blessings of your lives, and find it in your heart to do the same. My friend, Susan (http://www.paintedpromiseranch.com/) runs a equine rescue ranch. She recognizes that she cannot save every horse in the world. Her motto is: 'But it makes a difference to this one.' Likewise, I can't save the world. Neither can you. But we can make a difference one mother at a time. And the one thing that I know from personal experience is that if you save a mother, you save her entire family.