Wednesday, January 30, 2008

I'm old when I say so.

I saw the saddest thing in the grocery store a while back.
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There was this rumpled woman with her silver streaked hair all pulled back in an untidy knot. From the way that she was squinting at the nutritional information on the back of the package, it was obvious that she should be wearing reading glasses. She was mumbling things about cholesterol and sodium levels. No one was around her, so she apparently was talking to herself.
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Sad picture, isn't it?
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Sadder yet, that is ME. That's it. I've officially become a 'geezer'.
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Even doctors with pleasant sounding names like Gina are sadistic and cruel, and miss no opportunity to put you on a diet of grass and sticks and water. In the great cholesterol controversy, I explained, reasonably, that we don't usually eat beef (venison is free), that I have spent a summer getting huge amounts of exercise, and that really, with Tim on second shift, Cara and I had taken to pretty much eating salads for supper, because we are lazy and saw a chance to skip cooking. Really. So our diet is a very sensible one, low in cholesterol to begin with. Dr. Gina began to talk about genetic links. (Note to self: Kick all old folks in the family. Those with actual high cholesterol need to be kicked twice). She began to talk about diet. (Note to self: Find a store which sells organic grass, sticks, and water). The woman took my sensible diet and began to slash things from it. Turns out she doesn't believe that a person needs to eat as many dairy products as I do. I believe that she was traumatized by a cow as a child leading to unreasonable, phobic behavior as a professional adult. There are other doctors who specialize in phobias. I suggested she see one.
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If you feel the urge to comfort an old lady, you may do so by e-mail. Please note that you are NOT permitted to comfort me in public where others might overhear. Oh, and if you are a relative, I'm in the process of hunting you down.
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